3rd Ward Springboard:
Phrase used to describe the University of Houston’s proclivity for finding head coaches for Big 12 schools. Art Briles, Kevin Sumlin, and Tom Herman have all used 3rd Ward as a Springboard to higher paying gigs. Then there’s outlier Tony Levin who parlayed the 3rd Ward Springboard to a special team’s job at Western Kentucky.
Baptists vs. Christians:
The annual Holy War between Baylor and TCU made spicier by the fact that the two schools were briefly both located in Waco before the Horned Frogs prudently moved to Crazy Ass Fort Worth. Former SWC foes, the Bears and Frogs rivalry reignited in the mid 2010s thanks to good old fashioned righteous indignation, something both sects are famous for.
Refers to the first runner up of preferred bowls of the SWC Roundup. The only suitable use for the currently vacant 8th Wonder of the World, the Astrodome. A suitable yet bitter pill for the runner-up of the SWC.
Cheatin' John Jenkins
Slang term for former Houston head coach John Jenkins, an offensive mastermind with a penchant for explosive plays and lax approach to the NCAA rule book. Once upon a time his teams were the envy of the league. Then those sons of bitches at the NCAA ruined all the fun.
Term of endearment for a quarterback that throws with such vigor and drive that he has no idea where the ball is going. Antonym: Passer. See Also Nuke LaLoosh.
Roundup name for one of our coaching crushes, the great Dana Holgorson. The Red Bull drinking, receding hairline champion, Mike Leach Disciple who continues to toil for a state and a program (i.e. West Virginia) that cannot and will not show Holgo the adulation he deserves.
Refers to the preferred post season bowl of the SWC Roundup, played at Fair Park on New Year’s Day, broadcast by CBS, and pitting the SWC Champion against an out of state interloper.
From the root dink, term used to describe a plague of quarterbacks who by either scheme or arm deficiencies are allergic to throwing the ball more than 5 to 7 yards downfield. Former SMU quarterback Mike Romo is the Patron Saint of Dinkers.
Fran’s Farewell Tour:
A reference to the elongated final chapter of Dennis Franchione’s coaching career that included the destruction of two Texas football programs, Texas A&M and Texas State. Fran’s inverse Midas Touch caused widespread suffering among Aggie and Bobcat fans.
The act of demonstrating that you are more Texan than your contemporaries. Made famous by deposed Baylor coach Art Briles. However, in his absence, the flag of going “Full Briles” is currently flown most prominently by Chad Morris.
Made famous by Texas Tech’s legendary Koach Kliff McDreamy Kingsbury, it is the act of scoring 50 points offensively and losing by 10 or more.
“Oklahoma State put the Full Kingsbury on Tech 70-53.”
Actions by a head or assistant coach that torpedoes his employment in dramatic and tabloid worthy fashion. Named for Bobby Petrino, the former Louisville, Arkansas, Western Kentucky, and current Louisville coach again. Petrino famously wrecked his motorcycle while at Arkansas, an event that when viewed alone seemed insignificant, but when one adds in the fact that his co-pilot was a leggy blonde football staffer and that Petrino attempted to have a friendly state patrol officer sweep it under rug, meant that Bobby was sentenced to a year hard labor in Bowling Green, Kentucky.
Describes the actions of a football players who has strayed off the straight and narrow and gone rogue. From the root word “Johnny Football” the transcendent A&M star who was always “down to party” and was once photographed riding a giant inflatable swan whilst sipping from a bottle of what we assume was sparkling apple cider.
The act of firing a winning football coach because he doesn’t win “enough” in the hopes that the next coach will take your program “to the next level” only to find out that the grass isn’t always greener. Made famous by Tennessee, who fired Phillip Fulmer in order to hire Lane Kiffin to take the Vols "to the next level" three coaches later they're still wondering in the college football wilderness.
The Mythical Trophy named after the Mythical half horse, half eagle that the Roundup has awarded, Mythically to the winner of the SMU/North Texas rivalry.
The Miner Miracle
Phrase referring to the 1985 UTEP Miners miraculous win over number seven ranked, defending NCAA Champion and 35 point favorite BYU. UTEP won exactly one game in 1985, and they made that one win count.
Red River Shootout
The proper nomenclature for the annual Texas/Oklahoma bloodletting at the Cotton Bowl. The PC police, in spite of zero incidences of OK Corral style shoot-em-ups near the various fried Twinkie stands at the State Fair, preemptively renamed the game the Red River Showdown. For the children.
Short White Line:
Denotes the Texas Tech phenomena of short, white, slot receivers. From Field Scovell to Wes Welker to Danny Amendola to Eric Morris, these Caprock Slots are consistently efficient route runners who give maximum effort with great hands and are coaches on the field.
The innate ability of former Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops to continually miss the off field character issues of his recruits/players. Because of his ties to Bob Stoops, former Aggie coach Kevin Sumlin has a pair of Sooner Goggles that he occasionally wears, typically when he dealt with Speedy Noil.
Swiss Army Knife:
Term of endearment for a player who is good at a great many things, though not great at any. Typically reserved for fullbacks and tight ends. See Also Unicorns & Former Rice Fullguard Luke Turner.
Also referred to as the Power Five, the Syndicate is a conglomeration of the “Haves” of the college football universe. They have banded together to form a syndicate that prevents the “Have Nots” from competing on an equal playing field. May also be a clear violation of the Federal R.I.C.O. Statute.
Texas San Antonio:
The unfortunate, continuous, unnecessary elongation of “UTSA” by ESPN, demonstrating the evil four letter’s ability to use 18 characters when four will suffice.
Term of respect for players that the spread revolution has left behind, typically referring to tight ends and fullbacks. Can also refer to the 90’s phenomena of stocky, Caucasian, neck roll adorned, linebackers.
Term of endearment that references supporters of former Texas Lutheran, Southwest Texas State and TCU coach Jim Wacker. Wacker, a pioneer of the coach's show format with a nordic quaff of blond hair won multiple National Titles at TLU and SWT and parlayed that success into overselling and under-delivering at TCU for nine seasons.
The name of the neighborhood in which Rice University is situated. Shockingly the only area of Texas that cares less about football than the actual Rice University.
Term the Roundup uses to describe the erstwhile coach of the Kansas State Wildcats, Bill Snyder. So named for his seemingly magical powers to take a squad of JC miscreants and 2-Star recruits and beat more “talented” Big 12 teams all while wearing an Alamo Bowl pull over from 1998.