It's week 8. Can you believe it? Here we are. Just us. We are different. Some men live for the sensation of wind and rain against their face as they take on the elements. We are different. We live for Velveeta derivatives and re-imaginations of the seven layer dip. Some men are just more gifted. We are not those men.
It's week 8, cheese it up.
All times Tejas.
Don't go looking for things on Thursday or Friday unless pain is your game, no you just store up energy young viking. Saturday will be here soon enough.
Georgia at Vanderbilt, CBS, 11 am
I checked Georgia's available roster this morning, they have 7 scholarship players, 2 walk-ons and a twirler who is fast twitch with a baton in her hand. Vandy is 3-3 and in most years that would be grounds for skipping study hall and slamming like five Red Bulls. Not this year, it's a new age in Nashville we get to witness that new age as part of a CBS doubleheader. Win, win, win.
Right after you get take a gander Vandy's transcripts turn to...
Texas Tech at West Virginia, Fox Sports 1, 11 am
Kliff is 6-0 ladies! He's breaking hearts in Morgantown this weekend. Is this the week Tech's run hits a roadblock? Unless it's the annual Dana Holgorsen no refusal weekend we think not.
As you think fondly back to when Holgo was an offensive genius turn it over to...
UCLA at Stanford, ABC, 2:30
Rematch of the Pac 12 title game from last year! Ok, so the bloom is off of this rose after what Stanford yacked up in Utah last week. UCLA needs this one in a big way, coach Mora has already gone full death stare for most of his pregame presser. He's at DEFCON 1 right about now.
Once you grow jealous of that NoCal weather flip her on over to...
Auburn at Texas A&M, CBS, 2:30
Johnny Football went full Johnny against Ole Miss. He almost blew out his knee, passed for 300, rushed for a 100, put a guy in the hospital, served bar in a tent at the grove, delivered a baby, and led a fourth quarter game winning drive. If you've got 12 minutes let me introduce you to Gus Malzahn's wife. She's a peach.
Once you determine whether Auburn are the Tigers or War Eagles share that information at...
Brigham Young at Houston, ESPNews, 2:30
BYU leaves the state of Utah and plays on a Saturday this week. They are soooooo confused already. The Cougs are going for 6-0, sorry the Houston variety of Coug, not the Mormon variety. On his way down to Houston Taysom Hill scored on UT twice just because.
As soon as a Cougar scores, turn to...
LSU at Mississippi, ESPN2, 6
What's Ole Miss's favorite Tom Petty Song? Free Falling. See what I did there. Remember a few weeks ago when Ole Miss thought they were going to go into Bryant Denny and drive Nick Saban back to the NFL? That was light years ago. Now they have to beat LSU or they might be the third best team in Mississippi behind State and USM with Alcorn closing ground.
Les Miles gave us gold this week. I love you Les. I mean that.
After the announcer refer to Bo Porter as Dr. Bo find the remote and go to...
Iowa State at Baylor, ESPNU, 6
Iowa State is the most snake bit team in college football this year. They've played their guts out and all they have to show for it is 1 win and a lifetime of counseling fees. Baylor will put them over the edge. The Bears had a close call at Kansas State last week. Bill Snyder wouldn't let Baylor score 70. He's a meany. Paul Rhoads will be more accommodating.
After Bryce Petty's backup comes in get to...
Southern California at Notre Dame, NBC, 6:30
Ed Orgeron's grand plan to get USC to a BCS bowl excelled in phase one: Beat the other Arizona school. Now the Ed takes USC to take on the Irish for phase two: Turn Brian Kelly a deep shade of purple. We're rooting for you Ed.
Yaw, Yaw, Yaw, flip to...
Florida State at Clemson, ABC, 7
You are looking live at Death Valley and our Hammer Fight of the Week!
Our weekly tribute to handing things like men and picking up hammers to work out differences pits the 'Noles against the Tigers.
Why does it matter?
Because an ACC team might actually make the National Title Game and
Wake Forest ain't walking through that door. Plus Clemson has tight
roped for like three weeks now trying so hard not to Clemson. Throw that
out the window because dad gum Jimbo Fisher and Jameis Winston are
riding into town and throwing a spear down in the middle of the tiger
paw. Well like in a symbolic way by playing very efficient football.
Give us the Criminoles to win.
Washington State at Oregon, FS1, 9
The State of Vermont brings you our Woodshed Game of the Week. But before we get to the game, consider visiting Brattleboro, Vermont, one of the the top small art towns in the country. While you're there take in the Harris Hill Ski Jump. Vermont, just south of Canada but north of everything else.
On to the game: Oregon State beat Wazzou by 28 last weekend Now here comes Oregon. That's like failing to climb Mount McKinley one week then setting your sites on doing Everest without oxygen the next. Worse FS1 decided, for reasons we can't even fathom, to put this game on national television, so the atomic wedgie will be seen by millions. Gary Payton and Andy Roddick will play ping pong against a chimp at halftime, which might be more competitive.
Akron at Miami of Ohio
Oh boy. Our Pillow Fight of the Week is awful. 1-6 Akron against 0-6 Miami of Ohio. At least Miami of Ohio had the decency to fire their coach a few weeks ago. He's happy as a clam right now working nights in a toll booth outside Philly. Akron hired a Bowden this off-season and not a good one like Tommy, nope they hired that miniature ball of NCAA violations Terry. Akron are the Zips which actually makes sense given their offensive output most weeks. The Redhawks need a win and if it doesn't come this week their next best opportunity will be in December...2015. It's on ESPN 3 if you want to, you know, watch or something. Never mind. You don't.
We leave you with last week's epic heavy human scoring opportunity.