Planning Your Football Weekend: Week 11

Week 11 brings a challenge, I’m asking you to hit your stride a few days early this week. Out of the box fast, ready for anything. I'd tell you to call in sick on Friday, but let's be real, you don't have a place to call in sick to. Never mind that, let’s make this the best week 11 we can! Well at least an above average week 11.

All times Lone Star'd.

Thursday

Hi Bob, I'm your new dad. 

Hi Bob, I'm your new dad. 

Oklahoma at Baylor, Fox Sports 1, 6:30

They took off the tarp for this one. It’s the biggest game in Waco not involving Brittney Greiner since…well ever. Baylor’s schedule has been awful. Technically their most impressive win has been over Buffalo. Buffalo. I think that changes on Thursday night. It’ll be non-stop pixies sticks and back rubs in Waco afterwards.

Oregon at Stanford, ESPN, 8

Art. 

Art. 

Our Hammer Fight of the Week is A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME! This is the equivalent of the Streets of Fire hammer fight taking place before the Bombers break into Ellen Aims' concert to kidnap her. That makes no sense because the hammer fight would happen before Reva ever contacts Tom Cody to bring him back to the fictitious city where the plotline occurs. I know right, your mind is blown too.

By the by, we’ve never fully discussed the poster for Streets of Fire. It’s fabulous. I may or may not have that tattooed on my left calf.

Hammer Fight.png

Why does it matter? Because the Ducks are on a mission to destroy uniform ascetics and win a BCS title. By the way, if the recruits LUV Oregons unis so much, why, according to the Rivals Rankings, are the Ducks ranked 40th in recruiting, behind those fashion backwards institutions of Alabama, Ohio State, Tennessee, Georgia, Florida State, Texas A&M, Texas and yes, Stanford? Stanford is on a mission as well, to recruit smart kids who like to smash things and win football games. We want, nay need Stanford to stop Oregon’s Imperial March towards world domination. I don’t think it’s happening Thursday.

The bud is 9-1 in Hammer Fight picks. The Ducks get us to double digits.

Saturday

I will summon all my wizarding skill for this game. 

I will summon all my wizarding skill for this game. 

Kansas State at Texas Tech, ABC, 11 a.m.

That wizard Bill Snyder is the anti-Kliff Kingsbury. He’s like Voldemort to Kliff’s Harry Potter. He’ll device some defensive scheme to make Davis Webb’s head spin. Can you imagine how adorable Kliff would look with a lightning bolt on his forehead? Like kittens and yarn adorable. My advice Wizard Bill: cover Jace Amaro, cover him well.

Once Jace Amaro catches his 15th pass, get over to…

Auburn at Tennessee, ESPN, 11 a.m.

Let me just make this clear, Gus Malzahn can make it to a BCS game. Somewhere Gene Chizick is sitting in his leather jacket wondering how in God’s green goodness this could even be possible. It’s possible Gene. We’re not sure how, but from the looks of things it’s entirely possible.

Prefer your games a little less SECey? Flick over to…

Take that Oregon State. 

Take that Oregon State. 

Southern California at California, Fox, 2

Do you believe in Yaw Yaw yet. You should. The man is a saint. Last week his team carried him off the field after beating Oregon State. Convincing your team that beating Oregon State is carry off worthy is like fish and loaves miraculous. Take us home Yaw Yaw.

Once Cal throws pass number 80, switch to…

My base layer hides my hips. 

My base layer hides my hips. 

Nebraska at Michigan, ABC, 2:30

One team won on a last second Hail Mary, the other ran for negative 45 yards last week. Let’s get ready for just about anything. Michigan should start with trying to end the game in the positive for rushing yards. The Huskers should really try and get their quarterback to push away from the buffet a few plates sooner.

All Big 10’ed out? Go to…

"Then, in 2001, I cured malaria. "

"Then, in 2001, I cured malaria. "

Houston at Central Florida, ESPN2, 6

This is THE BIGGEST GAME IN THE AMERICAN ATHLETIC CONFERENCE OF ALL TIME LITERALLY. This might be a good time to point out that George O’Leary was named head coach at Notre Dame before the Irish were alerted to some, shall we say, outright lies on his resume. So Mr. O’Leary, you didn’t captain the first manned Mars mission? Interesting.

Tired of commuter schools raging on each other, get to…

Texas at West Virginia, Fox, 6

Mack Brown found out about UT’s new AD via twitter. This doesn’t bode well. Let’s hope Steve Patterson has the decency to fire Mack with a selfie via instagram. Oh, and how much buyer's remorse does West Virginia have about Dana Holgorsen. I once bought a stuffed crust pizza that I ate entirely in the parking lot of the Pizza Hut. I assume it’s something close to that bloated, awful feeling.

Sick of John Denver? Turn it to…

Notre Dame at Pittsburgh, ABC, 7

Seriously ABC. This is what your putting on prime time TV. This is almost as dumb as your idea to green light Agents of Shield. Hey I know let’s take a series of movies that aren’t very good and dumb them down to a TV show. At least Brent will be well versed on the line in this one, that’s about the only thing of interest he’ll have. 

Do you like good football? Make your way to…

Enter the smashing machines. 

Enter the smashing machines. 

LSU at Alabama, CBS, 7

Alright kids, back in 2009 this was the biggest game in all of college football land. They liked to play each other so much they played twice, once for the SEC West and once for slightly smaller BCS title stakes. These are two teams that believe that the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his chest. Don’t expect much finesse. Just two bulldozers repeatedly trying to break one another.

Prefer your football a little less manly? Go directly to…

Woodshed Game.jpg

Kansas at Oklahoma State, Fox Sports 1, 3

The State of Vermont brings you our Woodshed Game of the Week. November is here and with comes beautiful fall foliage all over the Green Mountain State. Get there quick because soon, as my old man used to say, Spring has sprung, Fall has fell, Winter’s here, it’s cold as hell.

Oh Charlie Weis, no one understands you, but we at the Bud do. You aren’t a bad coach, you’re just bad at coaching football. I bet if you apply your same principles of limited offense and porous defense to a sport like say, lacrosse, you’d be almost average. As it stands however, you’ve got to go to Stillwater after the Pokes put 52 on Tech IN LUBBOCK. We’d tell you that it will take all your skill to avoid a worse fate but we know this is silly. You don’t have any skill. Clint Chelf launches his Heisman campaign on Saturday in earnest. Get the bobble heads ready and #chelf4heisman hashtags ready OSU, you’re going to need them after the weekend. 

Pillow Fight.png

Southern Miss at Louisiana Tech, CBS Sports Net, 7

La Tech has won all of 3 games this year, which is spectacular compared to Southern Miss’s  20 game losing streak. I’d say something has to give but I fear if it does the pillars of the earth may crumble and we’ll be ruled by apes. No Pressure guys.

 

We leave you with a sniper attack.