In our continuing effort to make you the best informed fans on the interweb surebud brings you "Getting to Know Your Neighbors" an in depth look at the American League West and the Houston Astros competition. TODAY: The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.
That was a mouthful. The Angels have changed places of origin more times than any major league baseball team without ever leaving southern California. They've been the Los Angeles Angels, the California Angels, the Anaheim Angels and now the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. All this to stake their claim in the city of Los Angeles. They've worked harder to put their stamp on LA than the NFL has.
Where do they play?
Glad you asked. They play in Angels Stadium of Anaheim, aka the former Edison International Field but we call it the Big A. There are real fake boulders in the outfield and real fake geysers out there as well. The Big A used to be shared by the Los Angeles Rams of Los Angeles. That's right Eric Dickerson used to tote the groceries in the Big A. Now that football is extinct in Los Angeles the Angels have the place to themselves. They've added a monkey that sparks rallies as well. A rally monkey. Seriously.
The Angels were an expansion team in 1961 and owned by Gene Autry. That's right THE Gene Autry. The Singing Cowboy ran the outfit for 36 wonderful years and they had an empty trophy case to show for it. Walt Disney took control in the mid 90's and of course brought with them Disney hallmarks, a movie, an awful uniform set, and mediocrity. (Note also the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim. Oh and screw you Gary Bettman.) Artie Moreno, a billboard magnate (only in 'Merica) bought the squad in 2005 and the've been big spenders fighting for control of Los Angeles with the Dodgers ever since. Cue up the Rage Against the Machine. The Angels broke through and won the series in '02 beating Barry Bonds Giant Head. Now it's been three years since the squads last playoff birth and Artie has had enough. He's pillaged the Cardinals and to a greater extent the Rangers to bring in top flight talent.
For the past two years the Angels have made the big Free Agent splashes with Albert Pujols, CJ Wilson, and Josh Hamilton. For this reason we can dial up the hate a bit. They also have newly pudgy all everything 2nd year man Mike Trout. Stat nerds love him, men fear him, and women wonder where his jaw line has gone. Hamilton has found the wagon a bit bumpy, yes I know that's mean but Josh is a bit of a doucher. He enjoys expanded strike zones and whip cream. He also likes to bag on Dallas not being a baseball city. Duh, Dallas is a billiards meca Josh, get over it.
If you're looking for a focus to direct your hatred may I suggest one CJ Wilson. He's wonderful.
- He has the phrase "Straight Edge" tatooed on his arms. Because you know...he's straight edge.
- He throws "Rager Parties" and DJ's. He also like to hip hop dance. He's taken lessons. When you get to the point in life where you think, "Man I should really invest in some hip hop dance lessons" do yourself and the rest of us a favor and get a library card instead.
- He jumped off a cliff in the OC and had this to say about it, "It was, like, sketchy, but I was like, ‘Hey, if I die, I die. Cool. At least I tried this." Yep CJ, at least you jumped off a cliff. It's like driving your car into a brick wall and saying "you know it was a big wall but I was just like, if I die from the impact, whatev's."
- CJ took to message boards to communicate that the average major leaguer "is relatively a douchebag."
A Ranger teammate recognized CJ's fake webpage persona and posted paper copies of the quote in each player's
locker. CJ stood by his posts. Why? Because he's CJ bra.
- As part of a "prank" he tweeted out Mike Napoli's cell phone number. Napoli found it as funny as a kidney punch. They aren't exchanging Christmas cards.
I could go on, but why would I when the Dallas Morning News has consolidated CJ's talky voice down for us and animated it.
So Astros fans, get to know the Angels, you've find them to have lots of places of origin, though they've never moved. Feel free to stand in the outfield and wave your arms or rock climb. As for Carlos, Josh, and CJ, maybe tweet out their cell phone numbers, they think that stuff is funny.