Getting to Know Your Neighbors...Seattle Mariners

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Do you like coffee? How about rain? Really love AMC's the Killing? Grunge Music? The movie Singles? Places that are almost Canada? Enjoy the trip to the great northwest. We're going to introduce you to the Seattle Mariners.  

The Icons Are Gone

Let's start with this, the Mariners have run through a series of essentially home grown superstars. It started with Ken Griffey, Randy Johnson and extended to Alex Rodriguez and ended with Ichiro. They are all gone. Two play in New York for the retirement home laiden Yanks, Griffey retired to Florida and Randy Johnson is still being a prick somewhere. But hey it was a nice run. Look at that trophy case Seattle. Bwahhaaahaaa, haaahaaaa, bhwaaaa! Sorry I can't help it. The Mariners have run through four trascendant players and it's almost like it never happened. Enjoy the memories Seattle. Those were the days you thought would last forever. Now you employ Jason Bay. Think on that for a moment.  

Hats Boys, Hats! 

Get a load of this beaut.

Get a load of this beaut.

Before the Mariners there were the Pilots, this marked the first time in the history of anything a team willingly MOVED TO MILWAUKEE. Seriously, I'm shocked the earth didn't drop off its axis. There are Superman plots that are more believable. The Pilots left behind perhaps the greatest hat of all time. You could wear it today and get yourself through security and on a commercial airliner as the pilot. I'd go a step further and say that with the confidence this sweet lid brings you, you could in fact fly the plane.  

A close second in Mariners history comes the trident spear logo. Why they gave that up for a compass I'll never know. Ask any group of 6 year olds, spear or compass you'll get spear all the time from the normal kids.  

2001 Mariner Odyssey

Tridents are greater than Nautical Compases

Tridents are greater than Nautical Compases

Back in 2001 the Seattle Mariners were the best team in baseball. 116 wins, the most wins in Major League History. Ichiro was doing his thing, they had Griffey, one Brett Boone, and A-Roid was fleecing the Rangers.  

They beat the Indians in the ALDS 3-2 and then took on the vaunted Yankees. They lost 4 games to 1. But hey congrats on those 116 wins. Since then the Mariners have found themselves watching the playoffs from the comfort of their own homes. That's the way you want it. Beer is cheaper and there are less crowds.  

The Squad

I said, when describing the A's, that I didn't know who any of their guys were. The Mariners are similarly vexing. Felix Hernandez is the newly minted $175 million dollar man. Jesus Montero was a Yankees farmhand who is now a Mariners backstop. Justin Smoak used to play for the Rangers. Other than that, it looks less like a team that can compete against the Angels and Rangers and more like the Astros probable homecoming opponent.  

Let's move on to more important things.  

The Food

Oyster Po-Boy > Sheriff Blaylock's Nachos

Oyster Po-Boy > Sheriff Blaylock's Nachos

Safeco has been voted best food in the bigs. You can get an Oyster Po-boy or some Asian food from a place called Intentional Wok. Safeco offers a grass fed cheeseburger on a potato bun that makes me want to eat my computer screen. They've got the stones to offer BBQ at a place called Holy Smoke BBQ, take a listen to this description: "The barbecue beef brisket sandwich -- created by Seattle chef Ethan Stowell -- contains smoked, grass-fed beef from Painted Hills, apple jalapeño coleslaw and whiskey-cola barbecue sauce on a sweet-potato bun." Apple jaleno coleslaw? No word on whether this is a mayonaise based coleslaw or not. Let's hope so. 

By the way when you're at Safeco, note they've moved the walls in this season. Just the kind of move to put the M's over the top.  

Posted on April 2, 2013 and filed under Sports.