Surebud is here to help you plan out your three day college football weekend. Starting with Thursday Night's tilts and heading all the way up to Saturday's PAC 12 late game when you're adult diaper is done and so is your wife. Just wake up Sunday morning and introduce yourself to your wife & kids.
All Times are Texas Time. aka Central.
North Carolina at South Carolina, ESPN, 5
THIS MAN IS COMING!
Fun fact, North Carolina Coach Larry Fedora's brother Lee played baseball at A&M and we used to call him E-Fedora. You know because he made lots of errors. Or at least he wasn't a 100% fielder and E rhymed with Lee. Ah, college.
Mississippi at Vanderbilt, ESPN, 8:15
Hugh Freeze and his sock tan are ready, are you?
Southern California at Hawaii, CBS Sports Net, 10
If you can find this one on your dial you can watch the first game of the last season of Lane Kiffin's era at USC.
If for whatever reason you can't make it out to your local high school game on Friday night, stay home and watch...
Texas Tech at Southern Methodist, ESPN, 7
It's a SWC BATTLE ROYAL! IT'S HAPPENING PEOPLE! WE'RE GETTING THE BAND BACK TOGETHER!
Get your wife to tune in just to watch Kliff's return to Tech. Be aware she may well leave you and drive directly to Ford Stadium in an attempt to tackle and subdue him, but then at that point you are in total control of the bean dip.
If you can survive a passel of Big 10 vs. MAC matchups without running screaming out of the house...
Rice at Texas A&M, ESPN, 12
Another SWC reboot! Let's do this college football you know you want to! Will Johnny Foozeball play? Of course he will. If I were Johnny I'd pull one of these after I score on Saturday. (We are assuming he'll score - total jinx)
By the way Terrell Owens is suing Drew Rosenhause for $6.2 million bucks. I'll take things that were relevant in 2003 for $100 Alex.
Mississippi State vs. Oklahoma State in Houston, ABC, 2:30
Add a digit to the scoreboard and block off six hours for this one. Mississippi State's defensive backfield is made up of scotch tape and the former members of Boy Zone. This will get ugly. Once this game hit's the over, roughly the 4 minute mark of the 2nd quarter, you can flip over to...
Alabama vs. Virginia Tech in Atlanta, ESPN, 4:30
Nick Saban's run for another title starts in Atlanta. Let's just predict an Alabama win and that Sabes will be eternally frustrated over a missed assignment on special teams which will drive him to excellence and one step closer to insanity.
Which brings us to...
Georgia at Clemson, ABC, 7
Or as we call it on the Bud, our HAMMER FIGHT OF THE WEEK!
What is the Hammer Fight of the Week? Well kids, back in the early 80's Diane Lane and Willem Defoe starred in a little movie called Streets of Fire, a rock opera about a leggy crooner (Lane) and evil motorcycle gang leader (Defoe) and a loner hero with a chiseled jaw and a score to settle, (Michael Pare). Obviously Defoe and Pare were on a collision course by the end of the movie. When all the chips were down the two squared off in, you guessed it, A FREAKIN' HAMMER FIGHT. This was not one of those "hey, let's fight and then grab whatever construction tools are around" no this was a cognitive choice to fight each other with sledgehammers. I won't tell you who won, but Willem Defoe's character lost.
Each week we'll tell you which game is the functional equivalent of the Streets of Fire Hammer Fight, a no holds barred, two teams enter, one team leaves, put a hair in my whiskey, all out brawl.
This week it's Clemson and Georgia.
Why does it matter so dang much? Because Clemson sneaks over the state line and steals the best Georgia athletes every so often and Georgia is dad gum sick and tired of it. Plus this year they both start the season with National Title dreams and rankings to match. This year's edition is at Death Valley in Clemson South Carolina. I'll take the Tigers to win and then later lose against NC State or Wake Forest and then go into free-fall before winning the Champ Sports Bowl against Northwestern. Just projecting.
LSU vs. TCU in Arlington, Texas, ESPN, 8
This one kicks off at Jerry Land between the Mad Hatter Les Miles and Gary Blood in the Eye Patterson. At this point if Les Miles coached this game in a Elvis Pressley Jump Suit with a Be-Dazzled Tiger on the back I wouldn't be surprised.
Boise State at Washington, Fox Sports 1, 9
Boise travels to newly refurbished Husky Stadium to take on, oddly enough the Huskies. This one's on Fox Sports 1, so enjoy it if you can find it. At halftime the studio show will involve Donovan McNabb and Regis Philbin baking actual dog treats that you can feed your Husky.
Let's all think back to that week one of yester-year when LaGarrette Blount decided he'd had enough of a random backup Boise player's crap.
Happy College Football Everyone!