Planning Your College Football Weekend: Week 5

Here we go, one for the thumb! Last week was not great but we made it through. Now we’ve got a fantastic week of matchups. We’re going to rebound as well. Last week we learned that you can actually have a running clock, play in a biblical flood, and that Case McCoy can save your job.

 

What does this weekend bring…

 

All times Lone Star. 

 Paul Johnson and the end of fun. 

Paul Johnson and the end of fun. 

Thursday

Virginia Tech at Georgia Tech, ESPN, 6:30

Let’s be honest, not a great Thursday night game. Virginia Tech has reverted back to VT from the 80’s and Georgia Tech’s Paul Johnson’s sole purpose in life is to rob the world of fun. That’s why be bought that FAO Schwartz and turned it into a Barnes and Noble without a coffee shop. You’re a dick Paul. But what else are you gonna do? Read a book? Talk to your family? Go for a run? No you’re not. Shut up and watch it.

 

Saturday 

Oklahoma State at West Virginia, ESPN, 11 a.m.

Mike Gundy is forty and boarding a plane to coal country. West Virginia has some buyer’s remorse with Dana Holgerson. Hey West Virginia, Maryland just dropped a 37-0 biscuit on you. MARYLAND! Thank God you weren’t playing Towsen State.

Once the couch burns flip it to...

 Raise your hand if you got trucked by Maryland

Raise your hand if you got trucked by Maryland

SMU at TCU, Fox Sports 1, 11 a.m.

It's the DAD-GUM IRON SKILLET! A private Methodist school from Dallas is going to take the Tom Landry Expressway to take on a private Church of Christ school in Fort Worth. Who's gonna save their season? SMU? TCU? Neither? Could either team hang with Southlake Carroll for more than 2 quarters? So many questions.

After the Skillet is washed and dried, get yourself over to...

LSU at Georgia, CBS, 2:30

The Tigers and Georgia would appear to be prime Hammer Fight material, but Georgia’s already had two Hammer Fights so we can’t do it to them again. LSU thinks they are fo-real. Let’s find out on Saturday. Selfishly I’m only watching this game in the hopes that we get to see Les Miles’ clock management skills on display.

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Oklahoma at Notre Dame, NBC, 2:30

Who’s more overrated? This may as well be a death match between Seth Rogan and Steve Carell. The Belldozer continues his experimentation with the forward pass.

A health minute while we're here. Brian Kelly, let's calm down there bro, you turn a shade of red that I've never seen in a crayon box when you get worked up.

After the Sooners get Boomed flick it over here to…

 Do not adjust your television sets. 

Do not adjust your television sets. 

Mississippi at Alabama, ESPN, 5:30

YOUR HAMMER FIGHT OF THE WEEK! It’s come to the Bud’s attention that many of you haven’t seen Streets of Fire. You have no idea what you’re missing. Ever seen Diane Lane lip sync? That’s like half the movie.

Why does it matter? Ole Miss has gone and got uppity and thinks they can drink Alabama’s milk shake. Well you listen to me, Nobody drinks Nick Saban’s milk shake, not even you sock tan. Ole Miss has made the epic mistake of poking the bear this week. Laquon Treadwell took to twitter in an apparent Joe Namath moment.

Hammer Fight.png
Stay tune Upset
— Laquon Treadwell (@SuccessfulQuon) September 23, 2013

I have no idea what he means by that tweet but it sounds bad. By the way Laquon took that tweet down. Seems to limit the effectiveness of your thought there big guy. Nick your response? Oh, right, we’ll just see you guys Saturday night.

The Bud is 3-1 in Hammer Fights. We’ll take our old friend ‘Bama for win number 4.

Texas A&M at Arkansas, ESPN2, 6

Bret Bielema’s wife is photogenic and a bit of a loose cannon. Yes and Yes thank you. Mrs. Bielema, let me introduce you to Johnny Football.

After coach Bielema turns red in the face head over to…

 Mrs. Bielema is worth a follow. 

Mrs. Bielema is worth a follow. 

Wisconsin at Ohio State, ABC, 7

Another potential Hammer Fight selection, if we had any guts we’d issue multiple Hammer Fights in any given week. We don’t have any guts. True story.

This one’s for the Big Ten Legends or Leaders title, I have no idea which one, neither does anyone else.

After Urban Meyer lifts a suspension find…

Cal at Oregon

A shiny new feature of Planning Your Football Weekend is the Pillow Fight of the Week. Inspired by last weeks FAMU/Ohio State debacle and the FIU/Louisville travesty we are instituting the polar opposite of a Hammer Fight – A Pillow Fight. This is the game of the week that is most likely to get a running clock, a two possession kneel down, or a make it-take it scenario.

Congrats to Cal and Oregon for the first ever Pillow Fight designation. We’ll be there at halftime to hand out the award and eat nachos.

Cal is going to allow 80 points, perhaps by halftime. Oregon ain’t caring about the mercy rule. It’s the Pac 12 baby and scoring is in season. Cal’s hurry offense won’t help either. Let’s sloooowwww doooowwwn Cal, no sense getting your defense back on the field any sooner than necessary.

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Southern California at Arizona State, ESPN2, 9:30

The Lane Kiffin farewell tour resumes in Arizona this week. The Devils got ear holed by Stanford, now they get to come home and see Lane and his USC “Oh, we’ll score 14 points…easily” Trojans. Not sure who to hate more, Lane or Todd “I have no interest in that job, but yes I am taking that job” Graham.

We leave you with the Tennessee and Florida playing football at the 7th grade B-team level.