Planning Your Football Weekend...October 24, 2015

We're back, don't ask where we've been. Maintain plausible deniability. 

It's week 7. We are hitting the halfway point. Savor it people. Savor it because we're 4 months from having to decide between NBA, Hockey, or competitive poker. I choose stabbing. 

To the games.. All times Texas. 

Thursday, Oct. 22

Georgia Southern at Appalachian State, 6:30 p.m., ESPNU

Does anyone out there have hillbilly or white trash cousins? They'll be at this game fighting each other. 

Sorry, I was just oozing intensity. 

Sorry, I was just oozing intensity. 

No. 20 California at UCLA, 8 p.m., ESPN

Watch Jim Mora Jr. skirt the edges of insanity and plead for an NFL job afterwards. Say a prayer for Jimmy, he may be the only guy who makes Jim Mora Sr. look like a hall of famer by comparison.  

Friday, Oct. 23

No. 18 Memphis at Tulsa, 7 p.m., ESPN

Wonder what all the hub bubs about Memphis? Find out. Tulsa will throw for 4,000 yards, so will Memphis. The Oklahoma Highway Patrol will be arresting defenses on their way into the State. Set the DVR for Extended Record: Infinity. 

Saturday, Oct. 24

No. 6 Clemson at Miami, 11:00 a.m., ABC

The Al Golden farewell tour returns to Miami as Clemson shows up to throw more dirt on his grave. Dabo has somehow convinced the votes that Clemsoning isn't a thing anymore. That's like giving yourself a nickname. Clemsoning is over when Bob Stoops decides it is. 

Auburn at Arkansas, 11 a.m., SEC Network

Screw you Gus, I'm going down to Cheeto Town. 

Screw you Gus, I'm going down to Cheeto Town. 

BERT ALERT! DEFCON 9! BERT ALERT! DEFCON 9! Bert and Gus. Bad Blood. The epic battle for 5th in the SEC West. 

Iowa State at No. 2 Baylor, 11 a.m., ESPN

Dear God. Why?

Kansas State at Texas, 11 a.m., Fox Sports 1

Bill Snyder Wizard appears out of tricks. But wait, perhaps appearing out of tricks is one of Bill Snyder Wizard's tricks!

Mind = Blown. 

Tennessee at No. 8 Alabama, 2:30 p.m., CBS

If you've got matching striped shirts with denim elbow patches, you wear them!

If you've got matching striped shirts with denim elbow patches, you wear them!

Butch Jones  can make his season by beating Saban in Tuscaloosa. Don't get too excited, he could have made his season against OU in Knoxville, or against Florida in the Swamp, or against Arkansas in Knoxville.  Butch Jones' conservative play calling makes Mike Huckabee look like a member of Black Lives Matter. 

Texas Tech at No. 17 Oklahoma, 2:30 p.m., ABC or ESPN2

The Mayfield Bowl! Winner gets the coveted Baker Mayfield Trophy, which is essentially an office max document frame with a "Release of Scholarship" letter in it. 

No. 15 Texas A&M at  No. 24 Ole Miss, 6 p.m., ESPN

This is our HAMMER FIGHT OF THE WEEK! For the uninitiated the Hammer Fight of the Week draws on that classic tale of Americana, Streets of Fire. The payoff scene of Streets of Fire, and yes I realize picking a payoff scene is like picking between your children, is when our Hero Tom Cody and our antagonist Raven Shaddock square off and settle things the only way real men settle anything, with a sledge hammer fight. Hence the name. You can watch the entirety of Streets of Fire in about 12 Youtube volumes or you could do Michael Pare a solid and invest $3.00 on Amazon. Boom, you just created a Holiday tradition. 

I came here to kick ass and tan unevenly, and it looks like I'm all out of SPF 15.

I came here to kick ass and tan unevenly, and it looks like I'm all out of SPF 15.

Hugh Freeze has his left tackle back, not the one who got adopted by the white lady and her family and couldn't read good, the one that may have signed with an agent and then fought his old man. Technically that's the first 15 minutes of Blind Side II. 

No one goes into Oxford and beats the sock tan! A&M won't do it either. We'll take Ole Miss. 

No. 1 Ohio State at Rutgers, 7 p.m., ABC

Rutgers made ABC's prime time matchup. ABC prime time hasn't been this bad since The Astronaut Wives Club was a part of the lineup.

If you're not familiar with the Scarlet Knights, they're head coach, Kyle Flood, corresponded and met with a professor to try and change a player's grades. He didn't wear any Rutgers gear for fear of being recognized. Let me go out on a limb and say that most folks wouldn't recognize Kyle Flood as the Rutgers coach if he were actually on the sideline coaching Rutgers.  

So that's it. Pretty week slate of games but we need to enjoy them. It's like saving the bean burrito as the last item out of your Taco Bell bag. Just slather it in sauce and think of the good times. 

Now your moment of zen:

Posted on October 22, 2015 and filed under Southwest Round-Up.