Planning Your Football Weekend: Halloween Edition

It's all hallows eve on PYFW, an excuse for the Misses to dress up as a nurse or a maid or someone whose dreams haven't been crushed.

If the kids show up to trick or treat invite them in check out some prime college football or at least throw some nachos in their bag and send them on their way.  

All times Texas. 

Thursday, Oct. 29

West Virginia at No. 5 TCU, FS1, 6:30 p.m.

 Alright boys, let's ride the Bull. 

Alright boys, let's ride the Bull. 

TCU taking on West Vir-bleeping-ginia and on a Thursday night no less. The Mountaineers have lost three straight since, you know, playing real teams. WVU's quarterback is, I assume, named after Minnie Driver's character in Good Will Hunting. How do you like them apples?

Is coach Holgo out of ideas? No way. Is he out of good ideas? Absolutely. Is he out of Red Bull? Get right the hell out of here.

Oregon at Arizona St., ESPN, 9:30 p.m.

I'm not saying these two teams were really overrated but...

If this game were a band it would be Mumford and Sons.

If this game were a movie it would be Steve Jobs.

If this game were a lead singer it would be Vince Neil. 

If this game were a car it would be the Chevy Volt.  

If this game were Halloween candy it would be candied corn. 

If this game were an online music service it would be Pandora. 

If this game were an Octonaut it would be Peso.  

If this game were an NBA player it would be Paul George.

I could go on. I won't.

Saturday, Oct. 31

No. 19 Mississippi at Auburn, ESPN, 11 a.m.

The noon slate is TERRIBLE. Well except this one. Freeze vs. Malzahn. How about a quick game of compare/contrast:

Check out Ole Miss's Chad Kelly. Chad has chest tat and a rap album. He keeps it real or dope or whatever the kids are saying these days. Dude runs the streets of Buffalo with his dogs regulatin' and what not. What's he think about Clemson? He ain't got time for that. When you're a triple threat rap mogul you don't focus on the past. He puts family over everybody including national security issues, sick kids, and gluten. 

Now check out Auburn's Sean White. He's a ginger with a collared shirt and the beginnings of some chin scruff. He's straight out of Hollywood. Florida that is. He's a Pre-Business major. You know, just being all ready for Business for whenever the time comes. Sean just installed El Capitan on his iMac. Loves the split view and the cursor interface. Sean thinks it's pretty sick. 

 Who keeps it real'er?

Who keeps it real'er?

Maryland at No. 10 Iowa, 2:30 p.m., ABC or ESPN2

Iowa is number 10 in the country.

Maryland is still in the Big 10.

One more miracle and Brent Musberger attains sainthood. 

No. 11 Florida vs. Georgia at Jacksonville, 2:30 p.m., CBS

The World's Largest Cocktail Party is just another grand stage on which Mark Richt wil lose a big game. It's a Georgia tradition unlike any other. And yes, we've considered other Georgia traditions like "Running Back Season Ending Knee Injuries" and "Preseason Over-inflated Top 10 Rankings." 

Florida is still undefeated in part because Jim McElwain doesn't tolerate...well, anything. 

Have a sandwich Jim. It always makes me feel better. 

No. 12 Oklahoma State at Texas Tech, 2:30 p.m., ESPN

IT'S THE DADGUM HAMMER FIGHT OF THE WEEK!

 You're a lucky woman Ellen Aim. 

You're a lucky woman Ellen Aim. 

Hang on to your bottoms everybody, it's our weekly offering to the classic of American Cinema - Streets of Fire. Speaking of, remember when Tom Cody is about to rescue Ellen Aim and he turns to his sister and says "Don't worry about it. They always hire bums like me for jobs like this."

At my first job interview, prior to blowing their minds with my knowledge of sheet rock and geopolitical conflict, I turned to the receptionist and threw that line down. I didn't get the job but that's beside the point.

Dress up as Tom Cody this Halloween and learn to live!

On to the game. 

Okie State is 7-0. I seriously had no idea. Coach Gundy has one quarterback named after a reindeer and another quarterback who comes in during short yardage downs to play what is essentially the fullguard position. We need a catchy nickname for J.W. Walsh. I suggest the Walshing Machine, Double Dub, or the Walsh-dozier. Ok, that last one is unoriginal. The first two knocked it out of the park though. 

The Red Raiders are still reeling from getting blown out by the Sooners last week. Coach Bro dislikes going to Oklahoma more than NBA free agents.

Can Tech rebound against the Pokes? Hand me the Yosemite Sam head boys! Sorry the Texas Tech one. I should be more specific when asking for a novelty cowboy head. 

 Separated at birth?

Separated at birth?

Tech puts a blemish on Okie State's unblemished record. 

No. 15 Michigan at Minnesota, 6 p.m., ESPN

Thick ankled women, pop, and the Little Brown Jug. Magic.  

Shout out to Jerry Kill. Stay hard brotha!

We need more legit trophy games. We threw this out a few weeks ago for the epic SMU/UNT battles. I give you the HIPPOGRIFF TROPHY! Part Eagle, Part Horse, All hard earned. 

 Just a rough sketch but that base is solid maple. 

Just a rough sketch but that base is solid maple. 

Vanderbilt at No. 18 Houston, 6 p.m., ESPN

Houston is 7-0. Tom Herman keeps getting edible arrangements from addresses in South Florida, Maryland and South Carolina. 

Vanderbilt just won its first SEC game under Derek Mason. It was against Missouri, but the SEC Athletic Directors met and decided to award full credit anyway. 

No. 9 Notre Dame at No. 21 Temple, 7 p.m., ABC

Hey guys, let's delude ourselves into thinking this ND/Tempe game is going to be awesome and/or competitive! Ship in Gameday, book Big and Rich, Cowboy Troy, that Amazon woman. 

If you would have told me 10 years ago that Rutgers and Temple would be the primetime matchup in successive weeks on a big three network I would have thought you were crazy. Heck if you had told me that two weeks ago I wouldn't have believed you. 

The grand Temple conspiracy gets exposed on Saturday in primetime. Also we've never seen Brian Kelly and Chip Kelly in the same room. 

 Did someone order a code red?

Did someone order a code red?

No. 8 Stanford at Washington State, 9:30 p.m., ESPN

The Pirate has a chance to ruin Stanford's season. The last time the Pirate was this relevant he was locking Craig James' kid in an equipment shed. That story always ends with Craig James losing his mind and running for governor. Good times.  

You need a guy to take down a NorCal elite academic institution? Well that's just the kind of ish that my man Mike Leach is into. That and Geronimo. And Pirates. And using coffee as an ant repellant. 

Now you're moment of Zen. 

So, did Paul Johnson just beat Florida State or is he about to be given the field sobriety test?