Week 10 is a gravy boat of awesome sauce strapped to a dragon's back. Clear your schedule. Knock your Home Depot run out early. Buy the kids a tablet device and load it up with bright colored apps and loud noises. Then set yourself down into the premarked bottom divots of your favorite chair and prepare to enjoy.
All times Texas.
Thursday, November 5th
Baylor at Kansas State 6:30 pm FS1
Clearly the Playoff Committee doesn't value the Bears' schedule notably THE Lamar University. Otherwise Baylor would be a top four team. The Committee doesn't realize that it takes a real man to invite Lamar into his house and a bigger man to beat the Cardinals to a pulp. That's courage Jeff Long. Real Courage.
Behold the coming of the new Stidhalinium.
Friday, November 6th
Visit your local high school football contest before the soccer hipsters take it all away from us.
Saturday, November 7th
Notre Dame at Pittsburgh 11:00 am ABC
It's that time of the year...we need a hero to emerge from the rubble to destroy Notre Dame's chances of making the playoff. We believe in you Pitt. We have to at this point.
Why do we dislike Notre Dame? That's a clown question bro. Google Ron Powlus, catfishing, bogus Heisman Trophies, Convicts vs. Criminals, and Charlie Weiss. That'll get you started. Embrace the hate. It'll keep you warm this winter.
By the way, Brian Kelly, with his red little troll face, attacked an assistant on the sideline Saturday night. Cause he's a grown up leader of men. Teaching life lessons. Molding minds.
Texas Tech at West Virginia 11:00 am FS1
Coach Bro vs. Holgo! In Morgantown, the Bermuda Triangle of the Big 12. Set your DVRs for a 2 hour extension and hang on for a...
Stanford at Colorado 12:00 pm PAC-12 Network
Last week Stanford survived a scare by the Cougars of the Palouse. Proving once again: Never leave the game to a kicker. That's day one stuff boys.
Now come the Buffs. Beware the negative body clock Stanford. At least you're not playing Northwestern.
Arizona State at Washington State 2:30 pm FS1
So Todd Graham is a sign stealer? Well Todd, if you want to steal signs come on up to Pulman and give it your best shot. The Pirate is the Enigma machine of play calling signs.
You're playing checkers Todd Graham. Mike Leach is playing Chutes and Ladders Super Hero Squad Edition.
Arkansas at Ole Miss 2:30 pm CBS
So...when Ole Miss is playing in the SEC Championship will the Playoff Committee realize that placing two teams from the Rebels' division, including one they beat on the road, ahead of them in the initial playoff rankings was short sighted?
Screw that, BERT ALERT! BERT ALERT!
Army at Air Force2:30 pm ESPNU
Commander and Chief showdown on the U. Do you like your football a little more "optiony" This is your jam.
Army's two wins are against Eastern Michigan and Bucknell. In other news Bucknell has a football team.
Cincinnati at Houston 2:30 pm ESPN2
The Tom Herman farewell tour continues on Saturday. Coach Herman now travels in a U-Haul van to away games. Houston by the way is 8-0 and ranked 25th by the College Football Playoff Committee.
Let that be a lesson to all of you, winning is great, but name brand recognition is way more persuasive. Best advice for Memphis, Houston, et al: build a time machine, go back to the mid to late 1800's and burn down the large State institutions in your area. Burn them to the ground.
Florida State at Clemson 2:30 pm ABC
The last time the 'Noles went to Clemson we were introduced to young Jameis Winston with a definitive 51 to 14 win by No. 5 FSU over No. 3 Clemson. Herbie waxed on and on about what a great leader Jameis was turning into and how he was different. Herbie, you were right, Jameis is different. Real different. At least Jameis gave us this.
Stay skrong Jameis. Stay skrong.
Iowa at Indiana 2:30 pm ESPN
This is the biggest Iowa/Indiana game not played with two hoops and a three point line. The Round-up for one is fully supporting Kirk Ferentz and our new Hawkeye Overlords. Keep doing what you do Kirk, world domination doesn't happen overnight.
TCU at Oklahoma State 2:30 pm FOX
Stillwater hosts one of two playoff elimination games. Prepare for another POINT EXPLOSION in this one. The J.W. Walsh-Dozier took over the fourth quarter in Lubbock last week begging the question, can a full-guard win the Heisman? Does man have the capacity for such ponderings?
Michigan State at Nebraska 6:00 pm ESPN
The great Mike Riley Experiment has gone wheels off and tits up. At the same time. I had a cousin that did that once. Congrats on getting rid of Bo Pelini Huskers, oh and Purdue fans hate you because you saved Darrell Hazell's job.
Navy at Memphis 6:00 pm ESPN2
A huge American Athletic Conference Western Division matchup. That's great and all, but the Roundup would like to digress for a moment: Navy is in Annapolis, Maryland and yet somehow, the Midshipmen are in the Western Division of the AAC. Let's look at a map kids!
Annapolis is literally west of NOTHING. Guess the powers that be in the AAC are trying to preserve that epic Cincinnati/Temple rivalry.
LSU at Alabama7:00 pm CBS
Our weekly tribute to Streets of Fire pits LSU against Alabama. Les Miles against Nick Saban. Tigers against Elephants. Fournette against Henry.
Go ahead and call this a playoff qualifier because the loser, especially if it's Alabama, is out. Right? No seriously, what does it take the kill the Tides' chances of making the playoff? Does anyone know? Would two losses do it? Point shaving scandal? We would all like to know.
Leonard Fournette and Derrick Henry will be loosed on the same patch of earth Saturday night. On purpose. I don't know what's going to happen but I'm buying canned goods and wearing life preserver.
Henry vs. Fournette is literally the Tyson/Secretariat Fight that the Simpsons foretold of so many years ago.
Our hammer fight prediction from last week was wrong. Never again. Give us Bama.
Minnesota at Ohio State 7:00 pm ABC
Last week, in the final 19 seconds, from the six-inch line, Minnesota shifted for 13 seconds of game clock in order to roll right and throwback left to a tight end who was double covered, then called a timeout and lost yardage on a quarterback sneak. Otherwise known as the Full Missouri.
California at Oregon 9:30 pm ESPN2
Sonny Dykes is unhappy with the academic restrictions and his base pay at Cal. Things have gone sour for Sonny and the Golden Bears. Things ain't so peachy for the Ducks either.
Remember back in September when everything was young and new? Cal was a PAC 12 contender, and Oregon, who had kidnapped some FCS school's quarterback and made him their own, were going to win the National title. Finally.
And now your moment of Zen.