Planning Your Football Weekend Week 9

The Week 9 slate isn't the strongest, but then neither are you at this point. You're tired, you're sleep deprived, and if we're honest, you're putting on some weight. That's cheese weight though, that melts off  in the offseason when your forced to walk to bus stops because the wife got the car in as part of the trial separation. 

We're going to focus on a few games this week. That's not to say we won't be sitting on our couch all day Saturday. That's a given. 

All Times Texas.

Michigan at Michigan State 11:00 am ESPN

Jim Harbaugh wears cleats on the sideline. High top cleats. Kind of like the guys who wear golf spike to watch golf tournaments. No one's tagging you in to sink a putt or cover a screen. Totally pointless. 

You know who isn't pointless, Mark Dantonio. Everything he does is with purpose and intensity. Purpose and intensity. He's the only human ever banned by the American Dental Association from flossing his teeth. 

UCF at Houston 11:00 am ESPNU

We're going to be very interested in this one based solely on attendance. We're guessing it's below 25k. What with Houston being a football school and all.

This week's game is sponsored by Box it. Need to pack or ship things anywhere in the continental United States or around the globe. Perhaps Austin? Baton Rouge? Box it has you covered. 

West Virginia at Oklahoma State 11:00 am FOX

Coach Holgo hasn't ever been this close to a conference championship, the visual of Dana chugging a Red Bull in one hand and lifting a conference title trophy in the other has us giddy. 

Also there's been a lot written about Mike Gundy's "mullet." That's not a mullet Mike, this, THIS IS A MULLET!

#hero. 

Baylor at Texas 2:30 pm ABC

Charlie's packing up his office, prepping for how he's gonna spend that buyout money. He's gonna leave a dixie cup of milk in the vents of his office somewhere for Tom Herman to smell. 

This will be Jim Grobe's first trip to Austin, Baylor lets him go on road trips to keep up appearances. He's looking forward to seeing Town Lake and standing on line for Barbecue at Franklin's. If someone can figure out that ESPN app, he'll keep tabs on the game. 

Florida vs. Georgia (Jacksonville) 2:30 pm CBS

It's the World's Largest Cocktail Party, you'll need to be liquored up to enjoy this brand of football. 

When we write the post mortem on Georgia's 2016, it'll go something like this: Bulldogs fire Mark Richt, pay him a huge buyout, watch him fly south to Miami, trip over themselves to hire a "Saban Guy," Kirby Smart, a career assistant to lead the program. Dawgs get blown out by Ole Miss, lose to Tennessee at home on hail mary and lose to Vandy on homecoming.

Great job. Good effort Georgia. 

Miami at Notre Dame 2:30 pm NBC

Catholics vs. Convicts. These two school were great back in the 80's, the 90's weren't bad, there were blips in the early 2000's and now they're searching for the answers. A lot like U2. 

Chip Kelly's 2-5 this year, meaning Notre Dame could be in the hunt for next coach they'll pay for a decade NOT to coach at Notre Dame. 

Texas Tech at TCU 2:30 pm ESPN2

The Red Raiders once again scored 50 and lost by double digits. A result known as the "Full Kingsbury." It's the greatest innovation Kliff's brought to the game. 

Patrick Mahomes threw 88 times against Oklahoma, prompting the Roundup to wonder aloud whether he needs to be put on a pitch count. 

Washington at Utah 2:30 pm FS1

The game the year in the PAC 12 is our HAMMER FIGHT OF THE WEEK!

Some of you have never seen Streets of Fire and therefore you've never felt the raw emotion of Tom Cody as he searches the streets of an unnamed city for the kidnapped rock goddess Ellen Aim. And no, Tom Cody doesn't end up with Ellen Aim at the end of the movie. Tom Cody is a wild fire that will not be contained in the leggy fireplace of Diane Lane. Take that leggy fireplace line however you want.  

Hey kids, how bout the Huskies and Utes!

Utah's Joe Williams rushed for 332 yards against UCLA. Yes that was a personal best and school record. That's a solid first half against a Big 12 defense.  

Chris Peterson needs to take advantage of the only Husky start time before midnight in the eastern time zone. This will be the first time the East Coast press has been able to watch a Pac 12 game without staying up past their bed time. Quick primer guys, Washington will be in the purple uniforms. No Christian McCaffrey does not play for them. And before you ask, yes, Utah is now in the Pac 12, yes I said Pac TWELVE. Don't get overwhelmed. 

We're calling it right now, the Utes shall prevail and once again the Pac 12 will get to watch the playoff at home with the rest of us. And the Big 12.  

Nebraska at Wisconsin 6:00 pm ESPN 

Look kids, a pivotal game in the race to get blown out by either Michigan or Ohio State in the Big 10 Title game. The Big 10 West is so cute, they try so hard and try to play big boy football. Precious. Then they round the corner and someone from the East division steals their milk money and rides off on their bike. 

Enjoy the good times while they last because Urban and Jimmy bend the knee to no one. 

Auburn at Ole Miss 6:15 pm SECN

Yep. 

What the hell got into Gus Malzahn last week? Auburn fans were probably more disappointed than their Arkansas counterparts because it looks like Gus saved his job for another year. 

Chad Kelly, "Heisman Candidate," has given way to Chad Kelly, "hoodie wearing high school football game brawler."

Be honest, at the beginning of the season if we'd laid odds on who would get involved in a high school fist fight, Chad Kelly would be at the top of that list, right? 

We at the Roundup love the idea of Hugh Freeze disciplining Chad Kelly or any Ole Miss player; "Now listen guys, let's do the right thing this weekend and not fight high school kids. And don't forget to pick up your rent, utility, and car note check on your way out fellas." 

Clemson at Florida State 7:00 pm ABC

Let's just accept the fact that Florida State isn't good, while at the same time understanding that Clemson isn't really that good either so that no matter what happens we don't go too crazy with whichever result happens. You've been warned. 

Also we discovered this week that Jimbo Fisher has a $33 million dollar buy out. Your drunk Florida State. Go home. 

Washington State at Oregon State 9:45 pm ESPN2

Cougs and Beavs in the most epic Great Northwest showdown since those shirtless vampires and wolverines were chasing each other through the woods over that girl with perpetual bitch face.

Mike Leach hasn't read Twilight. He's got no time for teen fiction. There are books on Geronimo and Black Beard the Pirate that he still has to get to.

 

Posted on October 28, 2016 and filed under Southwest Round-Up.