It's a long Holiday weekend of fun and by today you've had enough cherished family memories to last you a while, it's time to get back to football. Hopefully you aren't at your in-laws house, you'd rather they not see you posted up on the couch for 9 hours in your stretchy pants. Do what you've got to do.
All times Texas.
Friday, November 25th
Houston at Memphis 11:00 am ABC
Tom Herman is actually going to coach this game from the the Hula Hut on Town Lake in Austin. He'll be lurking near the football facility at Texas, ready to pounce once Chuck Strong's personal belongings are removed.
Houston has proven they can beat almost anybody in the country when they're interested. The question is, does Memphis interest them?
North Carolina State at North Carolina 11:00 am ESPN
They call this the "Carolina-State Game" in the Tar Heal state. NC State has lost more close games than Susan Lucci's lost Daytime Emmy Awards. Well no one pushes the Erica Kane of college football around forever. Well, maybe just one more week.
Larry Fedora announced this week that he loves being in Chapel Hill and wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Kiss of death Tar Heal fans. Kiss-o-death.
Arkansas at Missouri 1:30 pm CBS
Arky and Mizzou play for the Battle Line Trophy. We had no idea this was either a) a rivalry or b) there was a trophy. Here's the trophy:
For the last time, trophies to make rivalries. These two schools have met a grand total of seven times in their entire histories. Without some sort of kidnapping or the burning down of a gymnasium a rivalry can't hatch in seven games.
With Gary Pinkle no longer coaching in Columbia, we turn to Bert to kickstart this thing properly. Perhaps a dump at midfield during pregame warm ups while yelling "sorry guys, I had to take a Norm Stewart, can somebody wipe my Chase Daniel?" Something subtle like that.
TCU at Texas 2:30 pm FS1
Charlie Strong's last game at Texas, errr, his last game before he's "evaluated" by the school's administrators. They're going to to evaluate him right the hell out of town.
We'll always remember the good times Chuck, all 16 of them. We'll try to forget the 20 awful times, especially that one time in Kansas last week.
Washington at Washington State 2:30 pm FOX
We are ONE GAME away from Mike Leach getting to the PAC 12 title game and possibly lifting some manner of trophy in front of a 1/2 empty stadium and giving a live dissertation on Geronimo and the Bedonkohe religion.
Baylor at Texas Tech 5:00 pm ESPN
Let's go ahead and put an attendance watch on this one. Nothing screams sparse crowd like a 4-7 Texas Tech team that just played the Glass Joe role in a 66-10 loss to Iowa State and a Baylor team on a four game skid with a substitute chemistry teacher as a head coach.
Arizona State at Arizona 8:30 pm ESPN
IT'S THE DUEL IN THE DESSERT. Maybe instead of turning at 10 paces and firing at each other, the Devils and the Wildcats could just turn their weapons on themselves. It's the only humane thing to do.
Saturday, November 26th
Georgia Tech at Georgia 11:00 am SEC Network
They call this one Good Old Fashioned Hate, Paul Johnson knows good old fashioned hate. He feels it burning whenever a forward pass is thrown or a wide receiver splits wide.
Kirby Smart has avoided disaster in his first year and could win as many as eight regular season games. Or, two less that Mark Richt would have won.
Kansas at Kansas State 11:00 am FS1
The Battle of the Sunflower State features a Kansas team that is coming off a conference win for the first time since the formation of One Direction.
Wizard Bill applauds the plucky determination of Kansas. He will turn the Jayhawks into dust, but he applauds the effort.
Kentucky at Louisville 11:00 am ESPN
Louisville is trying to rebound from last week's trip to Houston. Bobby Petrino hasn't had a day as bad as that since he invited a leggy blonde staffer on the back of his Harley.
Now that all that playoff talk is over fans in the Commonwealth State can get back to basketball the way God intended it.
Michigan at Ohio State 11:00 am ABC
It's our HAMMER FIGHT OF THE WEEK!
Crazy Ass Cleat Wearing Jim Harbaugh with his pleated pants travels to Columbus to take on Urban Meyer, leader of men and murderers.
We'd agree that Urban Meyer is a quarterback whisperer if everyone else would agree that his two star pupils are one Alex Smith and a guy who's currently a minor league baseball player.
Michigan fans are watching a player Houston Cougar fans know first hand, John O'Korn - ball chucker. He lures you in with his potential and then sends you home disappointed. Sort of like Kanye.
ESPN is setting up GameDay live from Columbus and doing an extra hour of the show. Relax guys, ESPN typically has such a deft touch with these things, we're sure they won't overreach.
Auburn at Alabama 2:30 pm CBS
The Iron Bowl, three hours that show gap between Alabama and the rest of the SEC. Bama's second team would be favored to win the SEC East.
In this season of thankfulness Gus Malzahn is just thankful to be second in the SEC West.
Notre Dame at USC 2:30 pm ABC
Brian Kelly and the Irish got word they're going to need to vacate two years worth of wins because of academic improprieties. Irish fans wish they could erase the memories of the 2016 season.
Meanwhile their are some arguing that USC with three, yes THREE losses should be in the playoff. You know Florida State has four losses but they're really good losses why don't we put them in as well.
Utah at Colorado 6:30 pm FOX
With a win Colorado goes to the PAC 12 championship. They were a preseason selection to be relegated to the Mountain West.
You know who hates Utah right now? Oregon fans. They thought they were done with Mark Helfrich and then he goes and upsets the Utes on the road. The rest of the PAC 12 are sending care packages to Salt Lake because it means another year without Chip Kelly back in the league.
Florida at Florida State 7:00 pm ABC
Florida State is secure with Jimbo Fisher not leaving for LSU. To be honest when you've got a hair plug guy like Jimbo's got you just can't risk a move.
FloRida qualified for another woodshedding at the hands of Alabama at the SEC championship. Good for them, not everyone gets a second place ribbon.