An Open Letter to The University Presidents of the Texas Big 12 Schools

Hey Guys, 

Appreciate your time, we're sure that you've got a ton on your plate right now, what with all this expansion talk. We'd like to offer you guys an alternative, a window to climb out of if you will before the cliff. Two words: Southwest Conference. No not the old one, the new one. The better one. Actually, the best one. We've crunched the numbers, fact checked, put pen to paper, run some things up the flag pole and we've come up with a proposal, special for you guys. I'm sure you're busy doing whatever the presidents of a lame duck league do, so let's get busy and...

Let's Make MONEY...

Do you like to make money? We do too. We love it. Our crack research and development team has been working overtime and you know what; by reunifying and expanding the SWC, you guys stand to make a ton of money. You'll be pajama rich. Well, Texas, you're already pajama rich, so whatever level is next on the rung of obscenely rich. Maybe "I'm so rich I wear a cape" rich. Yeah, like totally cape rich. 

Here's a projection of all the money for the member institutions per our marketing guys. Imagine this sucker on a glossy 11 x 14 and placed in front of your various board of regents.  

* According to science. 

* According to science. 

Boom. That's a lot of cash. But don't sell this idea short. Call it a baseline. A floor. A conservative estimate. There's a gold mine to uncover here in Texas, anyone who tells you otherwise is a commie or a socialist or libertarian. What can you do with that money? Whatever you want. Do the classic, "hey guys we're reinvesting it into education" bit. I can't believe people still buy it, but whatever, play the hits. 

We know you only really care about money, but still we've got a vision and we're breaking ground on some pretty awesome new ideas. 

The Divisional Scheme

The Roundup has done the work for you guys. We know the thinking part isn't a strong suit, so we've worked out the divisional alignment. Kick out the teams north of the Red River, call College Station, invite the Aggies back, offer them something they can't refuse - a new swagcopter, giant swans for Johnny Football, whatever the itch is, you scratch it. Bring the Aggies back, then start printing invitations, Houston, Rice, SMU, North Texas, Texas State, UTSA, UTEP, invite 'em all. You control your people, the Big 12ers of the bunch, jettison the dead weight and we all get along swimmingly. 

Yes, we know, a lot of those schools were part of the old SWC. Small minded thinking guys. Think of all the money you'll save sending your women's golf team to San Marvelous instead of Morgantown. Hell, it's a bus league. You can fly to El Paso or better, load up the men's cross country team and show them the beauty of the Big Country. For you liberals out there, and let's be honest, there are a bunch of you now, sell the reduced carbon footprint as you're flying around on your private jets speaking to your alumni groups.  

Back to Divisions. We thought about naming them after legends of the game, i.e. The Landry, The Campbell, The Tomlinson, etc. Screw that, let's monetize the hell out of the thing. Let me present the new league, as divided into two divisions, major metropolitan areas together with corporate sponsorship. 

Not One TV Network. Everyone Gets a Network! 

We admit, the Longhorn Network is a sticking point. Our friends in Austin love it. Everyone else, let's just say it's an issue. Don't worry, we come to bring people together, not divide. Why? Because we don't think small, we think big: let everyone have a network. 

Yep, we have no idea. 

Yep, we have no idea. 

An Aggie Network, sure, we're terrified of what might be on it, but we're also pretty freaked out that Oprah has a network yet somehow we manage to coexist with it. Imagine Tom Herman and Paul Wall breaking down game tape. UNT's network could have a show called "Is This Seth?" where Coach Littrell and Kyle Chandler walk up to people and make them guess which one's Seth? The possibilities are endless. 

Not one network, a lot of networks. Competition is good. Money is good. The research indicates the new SWC will make an S-Load. Reference that awesome graph if you have any questions.

One word. Relegation.

Let's revolutionize the sport gents. Forget the glow puck, instant replay or one conference, one champion. Let's go all out and borrow from the Brits. Let's relegate some fools. Twelve teams, two divisions, teams with the worst record in the two divisions play what we call a "Last Man Standing" game or a "Loser Leaves Town Match" (the names here are inconsequential except for the t-shirt revenue) and loser gets SENT DOWN. MIND BLOWN.

Don't worry we're sure none of your schools will suffer relegation. No way. That would be like playing in a BCS Title Game and going 5-7 a year later. 

But we can't have relegation without a little promotion, right? Boom, a teams from some combination of the Southland, Lone Star, the American Southwest, etc gets bumped up. Ever wanted to see Stephen F. Austin in a league with the big boys or maybe Mary Hardin Baylor or heck Texas Wesleyan? Bingo, miracles happen. 

Relegated teams get a nice gift basket and an invite to finish top two in the, let's call it the Southwest Developmental Conference, win the play in game, AKA "The Mo Money, No Problems" tilt and there you go, you're back! It's a tectonic shift in college football and we're on the cutting edge. 

So, guys, we've done about 93% of the leg work on this deal. We present this home run, you take part of the credit or all of it, we're not here for the glory. Bottom line, history is made new libraries are built. (That one never gets old) I think it's called a win, win, win, win. 

Thanks for your time and consideration, 

The Roundup

Posted on August 24, 2016 and filed under Southwest Round-Up.