Planning Your Football Weekend: Week Four

Week four is here. The quarter point of the season. Yes that means we've got 3/4 to go. Some of you came out of the blocks too fast, you're feeling it now. That's natural. We can't go back. We're like Cortez, we've burned out boats and most of our significant relationships.

We're your family now. That seems pathetic and sad. We don't actually have anything to say beyond that. It does seem pathetic and sad. 

All times Texas. 

Friday, September 23rd

USC at Utah 8:00 pm FS1 

The Roundup is against Friday night college football, but we may just tune in to see what happens next at USC. For those keeping score, in the last 3+ seasons USC fired a coach on the tarmac after a loss to Arizona State; fired another coach for showing up drunk to practice and a booster event; had their AD resign and then face charges of defrauding a charity; hired Ed Orgeron on interim basis; fired Ed Orgeron on a full time basis; hired another interim coach; lost by 40+ to Alabama on national TV; their best player refused to practice; and a kid transferred this week who may or may not have punched the coach. 

It's like the Real Housewives of Orange County but with less tackling. 

Saturday, September 24th

Georgia at Ole Miss 11:00 am ESPN

Poor old Hugh Freeze, he and Chad Kelly were going to set the world aflame with a playoff worthy offensive assault unlike anything we'd ever seen. Yet here they are at 1-2, sitting around a can of Sterno,  cooking Vienna Sausages. 

At least there aren't any NCAA issues on the horizon...wait...what? Oh dear. 

Iowa at Rutgers 11:00 am ESPN2

We aren't suggesting anyone watch this atrocity but it gives us a chance to reintroduce you to this guy...

 #hero

#hero

Wisconsin at Michigan State 11:00 am BTN

We are developing a substantial football crush on Mark Dantonio. Last week he destroyed Notre Dame's dreams in South Bend, a move that we can always get behind. And he does it all with such a cheery disposition. 

If you're going to record this one, see if your DVR can actually yield back time, this one won't last over 2 hours and 20 minutes. 

BYU vs. West Virginia (Landover) 2:30 pm ESPN2

Mormons vs Hillbillies on a neutral site. The spectacle of this is enough to give it a little watch. This may be the largest gathering of white people not at a non-Nascar event since the Battle at Bristol two weeks ago. 

By the way the Roundup's dream of a West bleeping Virginia Big 12 title is closer than ever before. We're pulling for you coach Holgo. 

Florida at Tennessee 2:30 pm CBS

LET'S ALL GET UNDERWHELMED! Each team is praying for double digit offensive production. 

Don't worry, SEC fans will somehow spin this into an elite defensive showcase.

Earlier this season a lot folks were comparing Tennessee quarterback Josh Dobbs to Vince Young. If they were referring to the Philadelphia Eagles version of Vince Young then yes. Nailed it.  

By the way, the fact that Butch Jones still has a job is curious. If you look at his history at Tennessee he's earned the nickname the "Art Briles of the East Coast." 

Penn State at Michigan 2:30 pm ABC

Jim Harbaugh made a huge statement about skim milk, calling it "candy ass" this week. I guess we were all wondering. We drink whole milk at the PYFW because we aren't candy asses.

Perhaps Harbaugh can do a weekly food minute, next week he can tell that using unsalted chicken broth is a jabroni move.  

Meanwhile Penn State fans want to put the Joe Paterno statue back up. Well, some Penn State fans. Its' not fair to take a small but vocal minority and label Nittany Lion fans as a whole. The rest want him reinstated as head coach. 

LSU at Auburn 5:00 pm ESPN

Ok, so Gus Malzahn is about to be doomed to an extended period of time with his wife. God speed Gus. Les Miles meanwhile is blissfully coaching one of the most talented teams in America to an 8 win season.

The SEC West coaching roster is quickly turning into the Sharper Image of college football. There are some interesting gadgets every once in a while, but nothing that justifies the prices. 

Oklahoma State at Baylor 6:30 pm FOX

Baylor coach Jim Grobe is still learning his roster. Last week he claimed he didn't know who former Bear and 6 foot 9 inch Shawn Oakman was.

We're not saying Jim's out of touch but this week he's scheduled to spend the first half managing the hot dog condiments at the concession stand outside section 128 and the second half getting in nine holes at a local municipal. 

Stanford at UCLA 7:00 pm ABC

It's a SoCal/NoCal hammer fight!

Our weekly tribute to Streets of Fire. Ellen Aim would've have hung on my walls if my parents had allowed me to have posters on my walls. Actually I would have settled for a Tom Cody, but that's a story for another time. Your right Tom Cody - Tonight is what it means to be young!

What must it mean to be Josh Rosen? 

Has any player had a douchier rise that Josh Rosen? Quick...which of these quotes is from Josh Rosen and which is from Zoolander?

"I'm actually not that big a fan of reading, I'm just trying to force myself."

"If they want to call it an amateur sport, hire amateur coaches, don't have TV deals. Don't have 100,000 people in the stands and don't sell tickets."

"We're not going to say 'slave labor,' but it's almost like indentured servitude"

“Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that.”

I'm stumped too. Feel free to play at home. 

David Shaw's smashing machines come south to the venerable Rose Bowl looking to do San Andreas level damage to California on their way. 

How the Rock didn't win an Oscar we'll never know. #oscarssowhite 

We'll take Stanford because we just can't bring ourselves to pick Josh Rosen. Call it pride. 

Arkansas vs. Texas A&M (Arlington) 8:00 pm ESPN

Where are we here? Three straight fourth quarter/OT wins for A&M at the JerryDome? It's enough to make Bert go vegan. We're kidding, no way Bert gives up animal protein.  

Washington at Arizona 9:30 pm PAC-12 Network 

It's so cute they call this a TV game. The PAC 12's distribution deal serves a seven square mile of the Inland Empire area of Southern California. Washington is a playoff contender according to most which for a PAC 12 team means take Arizona big. #tradition. 

And Now Your Moment of Zen.

Posted on September 22, 2016 and filed under Southwest Round-Up.