The season is right at half over. Not a lot of surprises, Alabama, Clemson, Washington, and Ohio State are all angling for a playoff spot. Shocker. You've probably gone through a few surprises. You're surprised how you can tire of cheese dip and wings. You're shocked out every IPA tastes basically the same after you've eaten a gallon of chili. When your wife took the kids to your in-laws house and didn't come back, you didn't see that coming. We must press on. Football needs us more than ever.
All times Texas.
Texas State at Louisiana Lafayette 6:30 pm ESPNU
Lousiana Lafayette's head coach Mark Hudspeth benches 375 pounds. You'll hear about that on Thursday night. They'll probably even show you the video of him doing it. If things don't turn around for the Ragin Cajun coach, he'll probably be spotting dudes at Gold's Gym this time next year.
Everett Withers' squad is probably thankful to go on the road and play in front of an actual crowd.
TCU at Kansas State 11:00 am FS1
Ok TCU, this ain't the time to get complacent. You've got two things working against you: first, the clock has struck midnight, and September Kenny Hill typically turns into "October Kenny" who roams the earth handing out pick-six touchdowns to all the boys and girls. Second, you're in Bill Snyder's world now. He breeds corn fed quarterbacks who look like linebackers and run like fullbacks.
Gear up for 60 minutes boys, Wizard Bill's got tricks.
Texas Tech at West Virginia 11:00 am at ESPNU
Lubbock used to be the Bermuda triangle of the Big 12. They rammed a goal post into the stands, their mascot ran headlong into a tunnel wall at Jones AT&T Stadium and died, their field flooded, foxes run loose, it's mayhem. That stuff happens before breakfast in Morgantown. We're praying for Kliff.
Oklahoma vs. Texas 2:30 pm ESPN
Ok, let's clear this up again, it's the Red River Shootout, sorry, I think I'm supposed to say trigger alert before I call it a shootout. That is the proper nomenclature, of course, the Red River Showdown is a watered down, free speech zone, genderless gingerbread persons, "I'm marrying my iPhone," type shit.
We can call it a shootout and the kids will be ok. The gluten's already screwing 'em up plenty.
Tom Herman gets his first crack at the Sooners. Texas' defense is looking to put Baker Mayfield into traction; otherwise, he'll be putting on that giant golden cowboy hat and planting a flag somewhere.
No matter what happens on Saturday, don't let it distract you from the fact that Oklahoma lost to Iowa State. At home.
Baylor at Oklahoma State 2:30 pm FS1
This feels POINTSY!
Just when you thought the Art Briles era couldn't be any more crooked, now we find out his assistant coaches helped Josh Gordon beat drug tests. If we find out that Briles hunted bald eagles or sheltered Bin Laden, we wouldn't be shocked.
Houston at Tulsa 3:00 ESPN News
Speaking of Art Briles, beware trips to Tulsa. Phillip Montgomery learned the dark arts from the best. Tulsa thought they might win the AAC, five losses in six games later and those hopes are gone. All that's left is to ruin everyone else's good time.
Remember kids it takes a carpenter to build a barn, but any jackass can kick one down.
Texas A&M at Florida ESPN2
Florida is wearing these uniforms on Saturday night.
Apparently, after the FBI probe into AAU pay for play which implicated Nike's Grass Roots Basketball program, the shoe company doesn't care anymore. Phil Knight was last seen walking around the Nike campus clutching a bottle of Seagrams 7 screaming "I need more Gator skins."
It's about time A&M starts their October swoon. Then they fall off a November cliff. It's tradition and Aggies are nothing if not slaves to tradition.
UTEP at Southern Miss 6:00 pm Stadium
Mike Price returns to as close to Pensacola as his ankle monitor allows him to go. We can't let this near homecoming go by without reminiscing about Mike's magical night out in the Florida Panhandle. A few highlights from Sports Illustrated's story on Price's demise after visiting the Red Neck Riviera.
"Later, according to two witnesses, Price was sitting at the bar kissing and fondling a waitress until a reminder from the deejay prompted him to stop."
"According to the two witnesses, Price spent most of his time that afternoon buying dances from and drinks for Lori (Destiny) Boudreaux, a 36-year-old married mother of two who has worked in strip clubs for 15 years. 'He offered to buy me a drink and asked me to sit with him,' Boudreaux told SI. 'I offered him a table dance. He tipped me $60. Then he asked me to take him to the
semiprivate dance area. He got a little bad there. We have rules, and touching is not allowed.' "
The football world is a better place with Mike Price running around hitting on 36-year-old, moms/strippers. Drink up Mike, just pay with cash next time.
UTSA at North Texas 6:00 ESPN3
The Butch Jones Classic convenes Saturday night. Winning coach gets to interview for either the Ole Miss or Tennessee job, their choice, on Sunday.
Well, UTSA isn't crashing the playoff party, damn shame too, the Spirit of San Antonio puts on a mean halftime show, complete with Selena tunes. Would've been something to see on New Year's Eve.
North Texas is expecting their biggest crowd at Apogee since ever. A lot of those seats have never felt the warmth of a human butt. If you're in the Metroplex maybe head up to Denton and give it a look see, it'll probably be more competitive than the game down at the Cotton Bowl.
And now your moment of Zen.