It's time once again for our non-numerically based ranking system. We've got several very distinctive groups now. This week's ranking criteria, something near and dear to your hearts and mine, booze, sipping whiskeys to be more specific.
Pappy Van Winkle
Few events justify spending nearly $300 for sipping, but when your mother in law leaves town, you have to indulge.
The Horned Frogs suffered their second loss on Saturday night. That's the bad news. The good news is they control their destiny to make the Big 12 Championship games. Imagine the look on Bob Bowlsby's face when he hands the trophy to Gary Patterson minutes after the league's playoff chances went down the crapper. Sip on that.
Johnny Walker Black
Quality and class, but more affordable. Throw in three ice cubes, wait 20 minutes and live the high life.
Welcome your CUSA West Division Champs - North Texas. Now if only they can hold off Texas Tech from coming in and stealing their head coach.
Houston is healthy after a bye week, and Ed Oliver's knee is back to 100%. Going to be a tough weekend for Tulane.
You're buying a recognized label here; affordable goes down smooth, the price point means you can drink enough to be good at pool and still keep your wits about you when you're fighting with your old lady.
SMU very nearly had a victory from the jaws of defeat for the second week in a row. Instead, they're on a two-game losing skid.
A&M qualified for a bowl game by kicking the hell out of New Mexico. Will it be enough to save Sumlin's job? Oh no.
On its own it's like chewing gravel, but if you put something else with, you know something good, it's palatable. When you were seventeen, you loved JD because your 22-year-old brother and his friends told you it was awesome. They emptied a can of coke into each shot of JD. They were idiots and now they've got diabetes.
What if Tom Herman doesn't qualify for a bowl game this year? How silly would we all feel? I'm looking at you 2017 Summer Issue of Texas Football.
UTSA needs a score worse than a crack addict. Just one more win for a bowl game. Maybe save your best stuff this week vs. Marshall and then use shock and awe against Louisiana Tech in the season finale.
Texas Tech used the age-old formula of playing Baylor to feel good. It's a cheap trick, but it means Tech is somehow on the cusp of bowl eligibility.
Whatever's in the plastic bottle on the bottom shelf
You're a cheap drunk, and the selling point is the handle. There's enough in the bottle to get you and a couple of your bros hammered and fist fighting within an hour.
Baylor's is petitioning the Big 12 office to play a 13th game vs. Kansas.
Texas State has put together a couple of close calls in recent weeks. Now comes two Sun Belt juggernauts on the road. Thoughts and prayers.
Rice has played better at home. Sadly they don't play at home this week.
Last in the rankings, but first in our hearts, your winless Texas-El Paso Miners.