Planning Your Football Weekend: Week 12

Alright gents, and of course the lovely ladies, by this point in the season we let our instincts and training take over. Twelve weeks ago you were all scared kids, afraid of your shadows and now look at you. You're a grizzled, veteran crew, with larger shadows than you had twelve weeks ago.

All Times Texas. 

SMU at Memphis 11 a.m. ESPN News

Once again, Chad Morris and another coach who's about to get a salary jump meet up. This time it's Memphis head man Mike Norvell. They'll be interviewing for the same jobs here in a few weeks. Saturday they'll meet at midfield, shake hands, and smile, all the while trying to push each other in front of a bus. 

TCU at Texas Tech 11 a.m. FS1

Poor Kliff, not even a win over Baylor can save his job. Beating the Baptists doesn't hold the same weight now that Baylor and Waco PD are investigating crimes and stuff. 

The Frogs and the Red Raiders are playing for a trophy, bringing back the epic Championship of the West saddle. If we may, perhaps you could break out a little Ginuwine "Pony" as you hand the trophy to the victor. But then again, we're always down for romance and shit. 

Texas at West Virginia 11 a.m. ESPN

Breckyn Hager, the poet of a generation, called West Virginia fans hillbillies and accused them of drinking moonshine. 

Oh Breckyn, those hillbillies are tanked on Oxycontin. It's an honest mistake. The tell-tale sign is the absence of the jug with the three x's on it combined with the itching and intermittent euphoria. 

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Rice at Old Dominion 1:00 ESPN3

Thoughts and prayers to David Bailiff. Bailiff's time at Rice looks like it's drawing to a close. His team wants to send him out a winner, good for them. I mean, they can't do it, but bless their hearts for wanting to do nice things. 

Iowa State at Baylor 1:30 FSSW

Baylor has two games left, a good thing for Matt Rhule too. He couldn't take much more. It's like he's on the last few miles of a marathon, his nipples are bleeding, and he pooped his pants a few miles ago. We hope, after the TCU game, someone wraps him in one of those hypothermia blankets and purees some Whataburger for him. 

Get some rest coach, 2018 will be here before you know it.

Louisiana Tech at UTEP 2:00 CUSA.tv

If you don't tune into Mike Price's weekly press conference, you're missing out. It's like watching your grandfather do story time after he's had a few too many rum balls.

Mike Price is getting paid $40,000 to coach the Miners on an interim basis, fortunately molding the squad doesn't cut too much into his daily routine which starts with a mall walk, then he grabs a LuAnn platter for lunch before eating crackers for dinner and going to bed at 6:30 sharp. 

Texas State at Arkansas State ESPN3

The Bobcats finish the season with two road games. Fortunate for Texas State, the last few weeks, we've been able to count the number of students in the student section by hand. Often with just one hand.

There are 40,000 students in San Marvelous, 58,000 tailgate on Saturdays, excluding the band members, strutters, and cheerleaders a solid 27 of them have been inside the football stadium to a game this year. 

Houston at Tulane 3:00 ESPN News

You give Major Applewhite a full offseason and three guesses as to who the best quarterback on the roster is and he'll pick the right one 33% of the time. 

The Coogs had a bye week to heal up. That's bad news for the Green Wave. Ed Oliver is no longer wearing a knee brace. Perhaps the only device capable of saving the city of New Orleans. 

Army at North Texas 5:30 beIN

Army and North Texas play for the third time in eleven months. Army hasn't taken the field against an opponent this often since they fought the Germans.

Apparently, Texas Tech is sniffing around Seth Littrell. Wren Baker's moved Littrell to witness protection at a safe house in Southern Oklahoma.  

Marshall at UTSA 6:00 Facebook Live

UTSA is less offensive than PBS' morning lineup. Last week they reverted to the "Hey Dalton Sturm, run around until you find a touchdown" play. It's better than the "Hey Dalton Sturm, run around until you fumble the ball" play. 

Tank for Frank is fully operational. 

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Texas A&M at Ole Miss 6:00 ESPN2

Last week the Aggies showed what a dominant force they could be running roughshod over New Mexico. If only the Aggie Athletic Department had the foresight to join the Mountain West, they might have a few division titles under their belts. 

And Now, Your Moment of Zen...

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