You'll be sad when the rankings are gone, and they're drawing to an end. The last full weekend of college football is upcoming. Once again, we rank according to category/level, rather than numerically just to confuse all the engineers.
This week in light of Thursday's day of gluttony we rank according to Thanksgiving foods. What's your favorite Thanksgiving food? Keep it to yourself; we don't care.
The Glazed Ham
Some of you are saying, "hey wait, this son of a bitch ignored Turkey! I hate this guy!" Yes, we did move past turkey because turkey is only suitable if you're actually starving on Plymouth Rock; otherwise it's bland, has to be covered in gravy or cranberry sauce, and is too easy to screw up cooking. The glazed ham is delicious, rich, and, if your glaze is mustard and brown sugar based, is like eating a meat candy bar.
Once again TCU is the cream of the crop. They beat Tech on the road with duct tape and bailing wire. Revenge against Oklahoma is coming.
Why we don't eat cornbread stuff more often, I'll never know. Go light on the celery, and you've got a beautiful, starchy, side dish that works like a sponge for sopping up all the gravy, cranberry, mashed potato goodness.
The Mean Green won their eighth game of the season with a real shot at ten or even eleven wins in 2017.
Somehow Kevin Sumlin is a win away from his annual eight-win campaign, who would've guessed they'd be here a few weeks ago. A&M is an unstoppable force when it comes to hitting their eight-win ceiling.
Texas came back with a mammoth win at West Virginia. The Horns are bowl eligible with a chance to win eight games this season.
We could go either way here. Good cranberry sauce is fantastic. Cranberry sauce out of a can is gelatinous, sour, playdough. Some people prefer the cranberry sauce out of a can. These are the same people that prefer Dr. Thunder to Dr. Pepper. Either way it's hit or miss, the most inconsistent of the Thanksgiving staples.
SMU are losers of three straight. The elite of the American Athletic Conference has had their way with the Mustangs.
Just when we believe in Houston, they give us a reason not to. No way that team should lose to Tulane, but then again we said the same thing about the Tulsa loss.
The Roadrunners won ugly against Marshall, but at least they won. A trip to Louisiana Tech this week could be brutal.
Green Bean Casserole
You pour a can of cream of mushroom soup on a roofing shingle, and you'll have a better side dish than this container of swill. How can you make green beans worse? Slather them with a creamy mixture that tastes like Elmers Glue.
Texas Tech somehow lost to a backup quarterback at home and the offensive juggernaut Red Raider offense only scored three points. Let's all chip in a give Kliff a vacation.
Baylor ensured they wouldn't win more than two games thanks to a loss to Iowa State. Expect TCU to help them Bears lock down 1-11 this week.
Mercifully the Rice season ends this weekend; it only took the Owls ten weeks to find a starting quarterback.
You can feel the improvement at Texas State you just can't see any wins.
Whatever's in that Tupperware container.
Every family has the crazy uncle or helicopter parent that just can't risk eating what your mom and grandma slaved over, so they bring that Tupperware container that's filled with whatever prevents that tricky food allergy. Guaranteed whatever's in that plastic box is gluten free and tastes like a basketball shoe.
UTEP looks almost guaranteed to go 0-12 this season. Seems like years ago that Sean Kugler got his pink slip. At least he didn't have to stay around to see this.