Week eleven is here, in Texas that means the weather turns cooler, the leaves change, and almost every team in the Roundup is eliminated from conference title contention. It's a wonderful time of the year. Our job remains the same, mount the couch, slip into a vegetative state, ignore our children, and watch football.
All Times Texas.
Baylor vs. Texas Tech 11 a.m. FSN
We'd assume there won't be a rush on tickets for an 11 a.m. kick between the Bears and Red Raiders. Baylor is still Kool-Aid drunk off beating Kansas for their first win of 2017 and Tech is liquor drunk to help them numb the pain of the past month.
We'll also assume Kliff Kingsbury is on his farewell tour at this point. May as well give the girls what they want and coach the last few games shirtless. It'll distract from what's happening on the field.
Southern Miss at Rice 2:30 Facebook Live
Rice welcomes Southern Miss to West U. It's a culture clash as USM fans get to visit the Galleria, enjoy world-class cuisine, and use indoor toilets.
The M.O.B. topical and satirical halftime performance will be totally lost on the visitors from Hattiesburg. Maybe Rice can station students in the USM section to explain what's happening?
Never mind, that assumes Rice students will be in the stadium.
SMU at Navy 2:30 CBSSports
Last year the Midshipman ran for 7,000 yards against SMU or at least it felt that way. The Navy hasn't dominated like that since the Battle of Midway.
For some reason, SMU's charter is making a stop in Knoxville on its way to Annapolis so it can "refuel." We're sure that means nothing.
Georgia State at Texas State 3:00 WatchESPN
The Panthers saw fit to take over the Atlanta Braves stadium and convert it into a football venue, ensuring that the facility won't see a successful product in two sports.
If Texas State wins, the kids in San Marvelous should go out and get drunk and or high. I guess technically they're going to do that anyway, but it helps to have a purpose in life.
UTEP at North Texas 4:00 WatchESPN
UTEP is 0-9, at this point wouldn't you rather just go 0-12 than 1-11? Go all in on this train wreck. Does anyone remember the 1977 Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Nope. They remember the 1976 Buccaneers who were 0-14.
Few achieve true greatness, fewer still achieve total futility.
The Mean Green could clinch the Conference USA Western Division. The winner of the West gets to lose by 30 to Florida Atlantic.
Kansas at Texas 5:00 LHN
Prep for PAYBACK Kansas. You don't have that home field fortress in Lawrence to hide behind this time Jayhawks.
But if, and we're just saying if, Kansas were to upset the Horns at least the game's on the Longhorn Network, assuring a minimal amount of eyeballs.
New Mexico at Texas A&M 6:00 ESPNU
Bob Davie, the architect of A&M's Wrecking Crew, returns to Kyle Field where he'll find A&M defense much more hospitable than those heady days when he was in charge.
The Kevin Sumlin farewell Tour kicks off Saturday night, tune in while you can.
UAB at UTSA 6:00 CUSA.tv
Genius move by UTSA to drop all these games in conference in the hopes that Frank Wilson won't get snatched up by a Power 5. It's a bold move, Cotton, let's see if it pays off for them.
UAB comes to town, meaning the Roadrunners can probably abandon the strategy, play the Blazers straight up and achieve the same result.
TCU at Oklahoma 7:00 Fox
Baker Mayfield's gone from arrested in Arkansas to beaten by Iowa State to Heisman front-runner. I believe that's called a Trumpian ascension.
Kenny Hill's alter ego, "Trill" is back. He's the devil on Kenny's shoulder that tells him to run red lights and throw interceptions. When Trill is around Gary Patterson turns that shade red that ain't in your crayon box.
And now, your moment of Zen