We’re at week 10. The end of the season is in sight, some of you are excited by that prospect, but by February when the sports calendar leaves you with nothing but feigned excitement for pitchers and catchers reporting, you’ll miss these Saturday grinds. Be thankful. Otherwise destroying every meaningful relationship so you can check out for fourteen hours every Saturday is wasted.
All Times Texas.
Saturday, November 3rd
Oklahoma State at Baylor
11:00 am FS1 / FSGo Video
As far as we can tell, all Baylor players are accounted for back in Texas, after their trip to Morgantown. Only Matt Rhule’s pride and dignity remain behind.
After watching a first half where the Bears fell behind 41-0, the Baylor fanbase placed itself in concussion protocol.
We would’ve paid good money to see Okie State’s Mike Gundy and Tom Herman slappy fight. Too bad reason and communication won out and ended things with a firm handshake.
Texas A&M at Auburn
11:00 am ESPN / WatchESPN Video
Hand it to Jimbo; he's perfecting his Kevin Sumlin impersonation week by week. If you closed your eyes last week, you would've sworn that was a Sumlin team gagging up the game in Starkvegas.
A&M was paying Sumlin two and a half million less a year for the same eight wins. A&M is the Tesla of college football.
Gus Malzahn’s buy out is equal to the combined gross domestic product of several former Soviet bloc nations. That won’t stop Auburn fans from doubling down and paying it. Living in Nick Saban's cold, dark shadow will do that to you.
Auburn’s always dangerous after they've had a bye week to prepare to disappoint their fans.
Texas State at Georgia State
1:00 pm $espn+ Video
It’s hard to believe, but Texas State takes on a team with less fan interest.
Georgia State now occupies the Braves old stadium meaning there are seats in that stadium that have not nor will they ever feel the warmth of a human butt.
Good on Texas State for deciding to play out the remainder of their season even after hitting their win quota for the year.
UTEP at Rice
2:30 pm espn3 Video
Frances Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now is a journey into the insanity of the human condition under extreme duress. UTEP fans think of that as a rom-com compared with where their souls are right about now. They’d gladly trade out their plight to be crammed onto a patrol boat gliding down a river in Cambodia to meet up with a crazy man. You know what’ll drive a man crazy? Spending three-quarters of last season watching Interim Head Coach Mike Price.
Quick, name your favorite team’s third-string quarterback? Rice and UTEP can do it without hesitation because they’ll be relying on those two guys to guide their team to the finish line.
UTEP’s losing streak is up to 20 games, but hey, they’re playing Rice. Rice’s losing streak is at eight, but hey, they get UTEP. It’s a vicious cycle. Not since the Heaven’s Gate Cult has a group people put so much faith in one date.
Loser has their shoe laces and belts confiscated and gets to take a long look in the mirror.
Kansas State at TCU
2:30 pm FS1 / FSGo Video
The battle for who gets to live in the Big 12 cellar takes place in Fort Worth.
The rumors are true; Bill Snyder retired two years ago.
Welcome to the bottom of the Big 12 Standings TCU, you get to look up at Kansas, it’s a rare sight unless you attended Baylor from 1995 to 2010.
West Virginia at Texas
2:30 pm FOX / FSGo Video
Red Bull-swilling coach Holgo brings the Mountaineers to the Capital in hopes of keeping Austin Weird.
Will Grier reminds us of Heisman winners like Gino Torretta, Jason White, and Chris Weinke.
Breckyn Hager went after a guy taking a knee harder than the NFL owners.
Congrats to Texas on your one week in the top 10, you’re the Ashlee Simpson of college football.
Winner of this one gets the inside track to the Big 12 title and a chance to destroy any chance the conference has of making the playoff. Some conferences just want to watch the the world burn.
Houston at SMU
6:00 pm ESPNU / WatchESPN Video
Hand it to Ben Hicks, he’s going to throw someone a touchdown pass, and he doesn’t care about the jersey they wear or the school they attend. His pick sixes have open enrollment year round.
His return policies are more user friendly than Amazon’s.
Plenty of tickets available for SMU games this year, we haven’t seen that many empty seats since they imploded the Georgia Dome.
Maybe SMU could schedule Highland Park to ensure a decent turn out.
Ed Oliver is still questionable for Saturday’s game. Apparently if you want to slow Ed down you need a Navy.
After watching that chop block on Ed’s knee we assume Tonya Harding ordered the hit.
UTSA at UAB
6:30 pm beIN / Video (not on DirecTV)
UTSA fans are thankful that this one’s on beIN, so there’s no chance anyone sees it. Frank Wilson wouldn’t mind if beIN became the exclusive home of the 2018 Roadrunners.
Wilson spent recruiting sherpas and seeing eye dogs to help his offense find the endzone.
Al Borges’ offense moves less than the line at the DMV.
Al’s ahead of schedule, it usually take him two or three years before fans get this disgusted with his play calling.
Birmingham JC has CUSA West locked down. They’re hoping to parlay that into headlining season 5 of Last Chance U.
UAB’s got more seniors on their roster than a nursing home.
Oklahoma at Texas Tech
7:00 pm ABC / espn3 Video
Hide the kids, this one will get POINTSY!
Lincoln Riley is sending Mike Gundy an edible bouquet and a year’s supply of two in one shampoo + conditioner after the Cowboys did him a solid.
Koach Kliff is back coaching for his job again. He’s heading back to the hot seat. Kliff’s been on and off the burner more times than a Shell station hot dog.