If you’re still with us, chances are your favorite Texas-based team disappointed you last weekend. That’s ok. You’ve disappointed a lot of people as well. We could name them, but then you’d start to feel emotions, and we can’t have that right now. The only way we get through the rest of this season in one piece is by repressing those emotions until mid-January. Then you can feel free to fall apart.
All Times Texas…
Saturday, November 10th
SMU at UConn
11:00 am espn3 Video
SMU gets to celebrate its win over Houston by wintering in Storrs, Connecticut.
It’ll feel like a home game for SMU with all the empty seats.
No one’s more excited for basketball season than Randy Edsel. UConn might be the only program in the country that wishes they’d hired D.J. Durkin instead.
Edsel’s taking that whole “leave it the way you found it” directive a little too literally.
Ole Miss at Texas A&M
11:00 am CBS / CBS Video
Ole Miss’ biggest win of the season came against the NCAA.
After beating the Aggies last Saturday, Auburn’s AD announced that Gus Malzahn would indeed return for the 2019 season. Gus now owes Jimbo 3% of his contract.
Technically Jimbo’s ahead of schedule, Aggie fans usually lose all hope nearer the end of November rather than the beginning.
TCU at West Virginia
11:00 am FS1 / FSGo Video
Congrats to Gary Patterson and TCU for beating a bad Kansas State team by one at home. This seasons started with so much promise for our pesky Frogs, now a seventh-place finish in the Big 12 is within reach. It's like if Neil Armstrong missed the moon and landed in Dalhart.
After Dana Holgorsen’s coaching display in Austin the Surgeon General has modified the listed side effects of drinking too much Red Bull to include dizziness, irritability, nausea, nervousness, jitters, and huge balls.
Now TCU heads to West Virginia and certain doom. So much so that the State Department has issued a travel advisory for TCU fans thinking about heading to Morgantown.
Patterson is sending a SEAL team to Kansas to rescue Doug Meacham. Never leave a man behind.
North Texas at Old Dominion
1:00 pm espn3 Video
Old Dominion knocked off Virginia Tech in the first month of the season and then apparently went on a six-week bender.
North Texas fans would like Trump to build a northern wall to keep Kansas from illegally entering Texas to steal their coach.
Kansas isn’t a bad job, who wouldn’t want to follow in the overpaid footsteps of Charlie Weis?
Middle Tennessee at UTEP
2:00 pm $espn+ Video
In October allegations arose that Middle Tennessee Head Coach Rick Stockstill involving player abuse and fudging drug testing results. Usually that would be enough to put a coach on the hot seat, but apparently, the Blue Raider administration just can't let go of Stockstill’s persistent level of mediocrity.
Congrats UTEP football, you’re on pace to win a game every midterm election.
Dana Dimel is running around El Paso with a mason jar trying to catch lightning in a bottle twice.
Baylor at Iowa State
2:30 pm FS1 / FSGo Video
The Bears travel to the land of cankles and light beer to face the Cyclones. A Texan hasn’t encountered this much trouble in Iowa since Rick Perry in 2012.
If Baylor wins, they’ll qualify for a bowl game for the first time since the school enacted policies designed to make them less sexual assaulty.
Appalachian State at Texas State
3:00 pm espn3 Video / KVNA (cable)
In an odd scheduling quirk, Appy State comes back to San Marvelous for the second straight season. The Mountaineers aren’t complaining; they enjoy electricity and running water.
Everett Withers crossed the three win milestone. Congrats. Folks haven’t been this excited to celebrate mediocrity since the 2018 Oscars.
Atlanta’s not a great sports town, but even they don’t deserve Georgia State. Good thing most folks don’t know the Panthers exist.
Temple at Houston
6:00 pm CBSSN / CBSSN Video
Temple’s best win was a twelve point loss at Central Florida.
If Temple can string together three more wins, they’ll be sentenced to participate in the Gasparilla Bowl.
We assume Houston violated several of Dallas’ zoning laws last Saturday by laying an egg like that inside the city limits.
When I die, I want Major Applewhite to be a pallbearer so he can let me down one last time.
Florida International at UTSA
6:00 pm $espn+ Video
Butch Davis hand to endure a midfield handshake and a “cool game bro” exchange Lane Kiffin after losing the Shula Bowl on Saturday night. The fact that Butch didn’t get in a throat rip showed great restraint.
UTSA lost by 53 at UAB Saturday night. Oddly that was also the paid attendance.
With the rise of Incarnate Word, the Roadrunners are in danger of becoming the second best team San Antonio. Third depending on how well Judson does in the playoffs.
Rice at Louisiana Tech
6:00 pm $espn+ Video
Rice is now part of the answer to the trivia question “How in the hell did UTEP win a game in 2018?”
Last week Rice spotted UTEP a 27-3 first-half lead. We haven’t seen anyone throw away two quarters like that since Pepsi Free came out.
Texas at Texas Tech
6:30 pm FOX / FSGo Video
The Longhorns took offense to West Virginia celebrating at midfield of DKR last week. If only they’d taken similar offense to the Mountaineers trying to score.
Last week Lil’ Kyler ran around Jones AT&T Stadium like a nine-year-old hopped up on sugar at a birthday party.
With a loss Texas will complete its find symmetry, from sixth in the nation to sixth in the Big 12.