Week Two Power Rankings

Week Two is donzo. Some of you are elated, others of you are bummed out. Texas State fans are mostly hung over. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, we have your team ranked.

In honor of the late and totally great Burt Reynolds, we return to ranking teams into hierarchal groups. It’s deep stuff kids. Today we’ll do so based on Burt Reynolds’ movies. RIP Burt, I guess God needed a bootlegger.

The rank’em more categorically than sequentially, which according to studies doesn’t offend the millennials. Plus they love pretending they understand historical references so, most of them will nod knowingly then google these movies on their Apple Watch.

Smokey and the Bandit

Just gonna say, if you saw Smokey and the Bandit and did not thoroughly enjoy it, you aren’t American, and I’d be willing to bet French Canadian. Va te faire enculer there Frenchy.

The following teams can claim some level of greatness based on their performance thus far.

Let’s start with the Coogs; holy cow have they grown claws. The bombed out Arizona, even taking a quarter off.

A&M lost to Clemson but looked like a legitimate squad with a legit quarterback. When have we ever said that in September? That’s sarcasm kids. Keep up.

TCU retained the Iron Skillet, and we’ll know a ton more about the Frogs after the Buckeyes visit on Saturday.

Sharky’s Machine

Admit it; you’ve never seen Sharky’s machine. Shame. It’s pretty freaking good. Burt plays a narcotics cop in a crooked political sub-culture and may or may not lose a couple fingers. In the end, he serves out justice, brings down the political underworld of Georgia, and hooks up with sexy British call girl. These squads have every chance to dish out justice or be on the receiving end.

North Texas took care of business by pummeling UIW, Arkansas could be a massive day for the program.

Baylor expelled the ghosts of UTSA in front of a rowdy Alamodome crowd. Charlie Brewer is as advertised.

Texas can put an uneven Tulsa win and the Maryland loss behind them by beating USC this week in prime time.

For Texas Tech, Houston is either a springboard into a resurgence or a nail in the coffin.


Ok, tell me the little boy on the bridge didn’t freak you out. That little LSU fan still gives me chills. Burt in a wetsuit, with a compound bow, for the win! If you’re here, it’s because it’s a little scary. You can still be scary good, but you could be masquerading in your underwear squealing like a pig by the end of the season.

UTSA is 0-2, but Baylor ain’t bad, and Arizona State’s start looks like Vince Lombardi and Bill Walsh had a love child and named him Herm.

Rice is improved, but it hasn’t turned into wins. Yet.

Texas State got a win which is better than not getting a win over a SWAC team. Willie Jones looked like the right kind of dangerous.

Cop and a Half

Every legend has an off day. Cop and a half is it for Mr. Reynolds. The real tragedy is they saw fit to make a sequel starring Lou Diamond Phillips. These teams have had a few off days to start the year, but hey, they can always rebound, or they can make a sequel. Starring Lou Diamond Phillips.

SMU is just trying to survive until Houston Baptist comes knocking in a few weeks. A trip to Michigan doesn’t help.

UTEP’s opener was so bad that losing to UNLV by 28 was a positive milestone.

The Roundup…