Football is back in full swing with the NFL kicking off on Thursday night. Watch if you must, but don’t expect the pageantry of a poor clock management, and errant kicks unless you’re a Bears fan.
Week two is on the way, where the bold assumptions we’ve made based on small sample size start to erode. By early December we’ll be back to chalk, with Alabama, Clemson, Georgia, and by God, Notre Dame in the playoff. Keep dreaming and over doing the dairy this Saturday, reality and gastrointestinal Armageddon will arrive soon enough.
All Times Texas. Except for you El Paso. You’ve made your choice.
Friday, September, 6th
Wake Forest at Rice 7:00 pm CBSSN / CBSSN Video
Wake Forest comes to West U, first in your hearts, no better than fourth in ACC Atlantic.
Dave Clawson and Demon Deacons are hunting big game in the ACC with a sling shot and a bag of marshmallows.
Rice scores less than Bill O’Reilly at a feminist book club.
Saturday, September, 7th
Texas A&M at Clemson 2:30 pm ABC / espn3 Video
A&M used to figure into the playoff picture well into October, right before they’d lose five of six in conference. Clemson’s early intervention will eliminate any Aggie playoff delusion by early September. The Tigers are football’s prostate exam.
SEC pride took a hit after last weekend’s results. Don’t fret, based on standardized testing, the south is used to dropping out early.
UTSA at Baylor 3:00 pm FSN / FSGo Video
A September day game outdoor of doors in Waco. Baylor’s biblical stance on climate change denial takes a bold position.
If you haven’t started hydrating for Saturday’s game, it’s too late, you’re already dead.
Roadrunner fans are thrilled with their win over UIW. Not since the reformation has a group celebrated so much after beating a Cardinal.
Frank Harris had a better opening weekend than the Lion King reboot.
Wyoming at Texas State 6:00 pm $espn+ Video
Tens and tens of Texas State students are jonesing to see their Bobcats take on the Pokes on Saturday night.
The ‘Cats played tough in College Station, but AD Larry Teis isn’t into moral victories anymore, limiting the kinds of victories he’s into while he’s in charge.
You have to put an asterisk by Wyoming’s win over Missouri, it’s mandated by the NCAA for victories over Derek Dooley led offenses.
North Texas at SMU 6:00 pm espn3 Video
The Hippogriff Trophy is contested once again.
The higher ups have branded this game the Safeway Bowl. We reject the corporate takeover of this treasured event. Besides, I’m an HEB man myself.
The Mean Green haven’t beaten the Mustangs in Dallas since FDR’s first term. Roosevelt ended up serving 12 years which is about how long this game will take on Saturday night.
Arkansas fans were skeptical after meeting Chad Morris last year. They’re understandably nervous after their introduction to Ben Hicks last week and he hasn’t even run the Pick Hicks play yet.
LSU at Texas 6:30 pm ABC / espn3 Video
Sam Ehlinger dispensed with Louisiana Tech on Saturday night, then he turned water into tequila on 6th street, fed a parking lot of tailgaters with two cans of tuna and a couple loaves of Wonder Bread, and performed exorcisms on a couple of tweakers on MLK.
Big Game Tom Herman is right on schedule to beat LSU and Oklahoma but lose to Iowa State, Kansas State and West Virginia.
In a bold move Ed Orgeron is bringing the forward pass to LSU. If he can pull that off, he’s going to tackle universal health care.
Prairie View at Houston 7:00 pm espn3 Video
James Harden thought the Cougar’s defensive effort against OU was lacking.
Holgorsen told the press that it didn’t matter who Houston was playing this week, “we're playing the purple team this week. Last week it was the maroon team." I assume that’s a guess because I never saw a Cougar get close enough to a Sooner to know for sure.
UTEP at Texas Tech 7:00 pm FSN / FSGo Video
It’s the Battle for Eastern New Mexico!
The Miners won their first game in El Paso in over three years and yet no one tore down the goal posts and threw them over the side of the Sun Bowl. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore UTEP fans.
Congrats to Matt Wells for his first win as a Red Raider coach on Saturday. The first of roughly 12 to 16 victories we can expect from his three years in Lubbock.
With their victory, UTEP assures itself of a ninth place or better finish in the Southland.