We had some high drama last week. And heat exhaustion.
Get your honey-dos done early because we’ve got a full slate of games. At this point your honey-dos probably involve packing the rest of your stuff and moving back in with your mom while your significant other “figures some stuff out.”
You don’t have to figure anything out. You’ve got football to watch and a couch to pin down. We’re here to help.
All times Texas. Do the math El Paso.
Friday, September, 13th
Houston vs. Washington State 8:15 pm ESPN / ESPN Video
It’s Friday the 13th, validating Houston fan’s feeling that 2019 is going to be a nightmare.
Mike Leach comes back to Texas. He’s going to stop by Lubbock on his way to Houston; drop in at the Accounting Office and demand his check for the 2009 season.
Speaking of Leach, Tennessee passed on him and hired Jeremy Pruitt instead. Vol fans are hoping the Athletic Department saved the receipt on that one.
This game kicks off at 8:15, meaning it should rap up by the time College Gameday wraps on Saturday morning.
These two will attempt more passes than Harvey Weistein at a SAG party.
Saturday, September, 14th
Army at UTSA 2:30 pm NFL Network / NFL Video
Don’t feel bad UTSA, lots of teams spot Baylor 49 points. They all play in the Southland or SWAC, but it happens.
The NFL Network hasn’t broadcast a game with this little offensive potential since the Commanders were solvent.
The Army’s operated in some of the most dangerous theaters in the world. We’ll see how they handle Lot C.
North Texas at California 3:15 pm Pac-12 Bay Area / Pac-12 Video
If the Mean Green can navigate the human excrement and used needles on their way to the stadium, they’ll play Cal in Berkeley on Saturday.
The game is broadcast on the PAC-12 Network. If you ever dreamed of being both grossly incompetent and grossly overpaid, PAC-12 Commissioner Larry Scott is your spirit animal.
“The PAC 12 Network, where televisions are optional.”
“The PAC 12 Network, find us on your local cable provider, we dare you.”
If a California bill allowing college athletes to profit off their likeness, the NCAA says it will kick California schools out. At least then Larry Scott and the PAC 12 can send out formal invites to schools like Hawaii and San Diego State.
North Texas won’t struggle with Cali’s paper straws after the way they sucked at SMU. Gallons of Milk had longer lifespans than Mason Fine’s Heisman campaign.
Texas State at SMU 6:00 pm espn3 Video
If you get a chance, donate to the Texas State football program. Last week they could only come up with two quarters.
Apparently to save money on printing Teis is making Spavital use Everett Withers’ playbook.
Based on the stadium crowd shots from Saturday’s home opener, Texas State moved its Student Section to the square in San Marcos.
Sonny Dykes used the transfer portal more than Sam and Al from Quantum Leap. That’s an obscure 80s television reference, right there. Soak it in.
Last week SMU asked its fans for a white out. Many of those fans also wore white shirts.
Lamar at Texas A&M 6:00 pm ESPNU / ESPN Video
It’s Southland September in Aggieland. The annual blowout victory over an FCS opponent as the Aggies ramp up to lose to one or both of the Mississippi SEC schools. It’s a tradition like Yell Practice, saying “Howdy” and paying cash in bathroom stalls to recruits.
Nick Saban’s furious that Alabama’s playing another non-conference day game. Maybe don’t tell him that this one’s in a Primetime slot.
Lamar fans get to escape to the big city, but hey, Beaumont is beautiful this time of year, you can stand in one place and see the Grandy’s AND the Sizzler.
Hurricane Dorian tracking into the Atlantic ruined Jimbo’s only hope to escape Clemson without a loss.
Don’t worry Jeff Brohm, lots of folks go to Reno over Labor Day weekend and blow it.
Brohm had his pick of Power 5 jobs and chose Purdue. That’s like choosing Red Claw at an open bar.
Gary Patterson is sticking with a two-quarterback system, it’s a radical advantage over last season’s no-quarterback system.
Texas at Rice 7:00 pm CBSSN / CBSSN Video
The age old tradition of Texas blowing out Rice returns on Saturday.
Saturday night LSU faked more illnesses to get out of tough situations than Urban Meyer.
The Horns shocked the nation by turning Ed Orgeron into an offensive genius.
Joe Burrows went for more yards through the air last week than the average Southwest flight.
Texas Tech at Arizona 9:30 pm ESPN / ESPN Video
These former Border Conference members square off in Arizona, it’s a dry heat.
The Wildcats left the Border Conference for the WAC before heading to the PAC 12 in 1977. Who knew all these years later Arizona would have a better shot at a Playoff bid in one of two defunct leagues.
On that note, congrats to Tech on knocking UTEP out of playoff contention last week.
Kevin Sumlin’s thorough destruction of Khalil Tate’s career continues on ESPN. Tate, like most Americans in 2019, hates to run.